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A FREE ferry will be running between Partick and Govan this week as part of a conference on how the two communities across the Clyde from each other can build a stronger relationship. The organisers use the play on words "What Makes Partick Cross?" to ask the folk of Partick what they like and dislike about the area. Reader David Donaldson wonders if other Glasgow questions will now be asked, such us Who paid Dobbies Loan?, Why is George Square?, and Who left Gallow gate open?

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TRICKY things these Kindle book readers. As one Glasgow resident tells us: "On a train from Wemyss Bay to Glasgow, engrossed in a novel on my Kindle, I doze off, let the device slip, and am propelled unceremoniously from the Land of Nod into a frantic juggling routine out of instinctive panic. The Kindle spins in the air as I bat at it, fumble the first two catches, and eventually make a diving save before it hits the deck on the other side of the carriage.

"It's the outbreak of laughter and a round of applause from my fellow-travellers which tells me the episode has not gone unnoticed. Mortified, I slink back to my seat, only for a woman with a loud voice inform me that it's 'the funniest thing she's seen in ages.' Glad to be of service."

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WATCHING telly with older generation continued. Says Lynda Nicolson: "When the box first arrived in the Lanarkshire miner's cottage way back when, our old great great granny couldn't grasp the concept. She would hide behind a chair to get undressed as she thought the characters on screen could see her. She also chastised the rest of the family for being rude when they didn't wave back at the Queen."

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MOTHERING Sunday yesterday and Robin Flavell tells us with sheer daftness: "I look a lot like my mum. It's as though we were separated at birth."

And Glasgow stand-up Susan Calman mused: "If the cats haven't got me a Mother's Day card this year, and use the same old excuse of 'meow, meow, meow' I'm going to be very annoyed."

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A READER swears to us he was in one of the those cheep-and-cheerful German-owned supermarkets when he heard a woman say to her partner: "The wine's out of date - 2014. I think we might get a bit off."

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FRED MacAulay, who is appearing at the King's Theatre on March 28, was reminiscing at the launch of this year's Glasgow International Comedy Festival, of appearing in Fame Academy for Comic Relief with socialite Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. After winning the show, Tara phone the Scots comedian to tell him: "Freddie. I'm having an after-show party in my penthouse in Mayfair." Gentlemen of an older generation will identify with Fred who added: "All I could think was - that's two magazines I remember from my youth."

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ALSO in the comedy festival is the farce Walking Shadows at Webster's Theatre which is a behind-the-scenes look at amateur dramatics. Michael Lewis, who wrote the show, had to audition for a dog to have a part, and a bit toe-curlingly, told us he was looking for a "Brad Pitt Bull Terrier, a Collie Firth, a Michael Canine or a Spaniel Radcliffe." He settled instead for shitzu Tiggy Tails who can sit for ages with his tongue protruding.

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A COLLEAGUE feels the need to interrupt us with the tip: "Zooming in on fields on Google Earth is a cheap and safe alternative to sky diving."

Pic capt:

A chalk-board writer runs out of hyperbole.