The Diary: Living it large

Diary Editor

Tuesday 15 November 2011

POOR Scottish Television – always slated for spending little on making Scottish programmes.

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Kevin Bridges, compering the Scottish Bafta awards on Sunday, pointed over to the STV table and declared: “Look at that. They’ve all been to Slaters for new suits, and have booked a table at the Baftas. That’s next year’s programme budget blown.”

Take a flutterOUR almost final budgie story is a trip down memory lane as Alasdair Moreland in Troon tells us of his late father Russell managing Third Lanark in the 1930s when he recruited a miner from Ayrshire Junior football for his defensive qualities who presented Russell with his caged bird which emitted a piercing shrill whistle.Russell hit on the idea of keeping the budgie near the pitch.When the budgie whistled, the Third Lanark players kept going, but the opposition would stop, assuming it was the ref’s whistle. But the football authorities, says Alasdair, had no sense of humour and severely reprimanded his dad. Leadership valuesRATHER uncharitably, reader Alan Jones tells us: “Watched the BBC Scottish news with subtitles on. When the new Tory leader said, ‘Why does the First Minister’, the subtitle read: ‘Wide is the First Minister’. Can’t argue with that.” An unholy communionCHEQUES continued. Martin Shields, now in Australia, recalls working in the cashier’s office of Glasgow Sheriff Court in the early 1980s. “In the mail one morning we received a cheque in payment of a fine. On the back were several quotes from the Bible and a protest of the cheque writer’s innocence. The protestant fine payer was Pastor Jack Class who had been protesting the Papal visit that year.“The cheque was, of course, crossed,” says Martin. Pay on demandAND Nick Lang recalls: “In the days before ATMs, I arrived at university with a shiny new cheque book. I had never written a cheque before, so couldn’t understand why the teller laughed when I wrote ‘Pay Me £5’ (it was a long, long time ago).” In the right directionHAVE always liked the way folk in Glasgow thank the bus driver when they get off. A Cambuslang reader tells us of travelling into Glasgow on a bus where one woman was so profuse in thanking her bus driver that he finally told her: “It’s alright really. I was going this way anyway.” Family tiesTO all the readers who have asked, this year’s Herald Diary book should be in the bookshops this week. It includes the story of the modern studies teacher who told us he noticed one of the less diligent pupils staring out the window when he was discussing the Cold War with the class. Attracting the young chap’s attention, the teacher asked him what propaganda meant.After a long pause, the pupil replied: “It’s ma maw’s real faither.”

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The Diary: Living it large

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