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The Diary: Not a dream start

BROADCASTER Dougie Donnelly, presenting the Law Awards of Scotland at Glasgow's Hilton Hotel, recalled that he himself achieved a law degree at Strathclyde University before working in radio.

“I was telling the wife,” he reminisced, “that when I was at Strathclyde studying law, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would one day present the Scottish law awards.

“She told me that, funnily enough, I was never in her wildest dreams either.”

 

Spouse accent

WE often remark on the misunderstandings that different accents can cause. Steven Raeburn, editor of Scottish legal magazine the Firm, was talking to his girlfriend at the law awards about Mike Dailly from Govan Law Centre, being named as solicitor of the year. “You would get on well with Mike’s wife,” he told his Australian girlfriend.

She looked shocked and surprised before replying: “Why do you think I would get on with your ex-wife?”

 

Height of nonsense

TONY BENN, Jimmie McGregor, Pat Kane and the Whistlebinkies are all appearing at the concert at the Mitchell Theatre next month to mark the 40th anniversary of the UCS work-in. It’s a sell-out, but the organisers have kindly given the Diary a pair of tickets for the best Clyde shipyard story.

We’ll kick it off with the yarn the late Jimmy Reid told of the shipyard worker’s wife who approached him, concerned about rumours of job losses. “They’re laying off six fitters,” Jimmy told her.

“That’s a relief,” she replied, “ma man’s only five foot six.”

Fruitful research

WE mentioned student doctors on ward rounds. Ian Mouat in Glasgow tells us about a student friend who was asked by the consultant to diagnose what was wrong by simply looking at the equipment around the hospital bed.

Says Ian: “The student noticed a particularly large fruit bowl with some withered bananas in it. ‘What can one say about this patient?’ asked the consultant.

“’He doesn’t like bananas,’ was the reply.”

 

Tricky position

AN East Kilbride reader tells us about his daughter moving to Spain, and planning to take her pet dog with her. She was reading the British Airways website about containers to transport pets in when she suddenly wailed: “It says here that the container must be large enough for the pet to stand up, turn around and lie down.”

She added: “I’ll never be able to teach him all that in time.”

 

Germane remark

A SKELMORLIE reader tells us about being in the doctor’s surgery locally where a young girl in the waiting room coughed without covering her mouth. “Put your hand up when you cough next time,” the girl’s mother told her.

Minutes later the girl put her hand up as if answering a question in class, coughed, and asked: “What good does that do mum?” which certainly cheered up everyone waiting in the room.

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