SCOTS author Ian Rankin might be a great success in writing 'Whodunnits' for fans of crime fiction around the world, but as he himself admitted at the weekend: "Attended a murder mystery dinner at the Royal Hotel in Cromarty. Failed yet again to win. Three years in a row..."

NOT long to go now on the election. The Trident nuclear missiles have been an issue, and now comedian Bill Bailey has suggested: "Here's an election tip. Secretly scrap Trident, but then tell everyone we still have it, then 'find' a spare £100bn for the NHS, free lager, etc."

Hard to find a flaw in that really.

AND the august business paper, the Financial Times, was up in Scotland to find out what was happening in the East Renfrewshire constituency of Scottish Labour leader Jim Murphy. Its analysis includes: "Mr Murphy's most ardent backers are worried. 'It's a difficult job he's trying to do, running the national campaign while defending his own seat,' says John Wall, a former union official outside a garden centre. 'It's hard to ride two horses with one arse'."

We're not sure how insulting he was trying to be there.

MEANWHILE Scottish Tory leader Ruth Davidson, while not actually making any headway in the polls, is at least relaxed in her use of social media. When Labour leader Ed Miliband claimed on the BBC's Andrew Marr Show that he thought Labour could win in Scotland, Ruth merely commented with one word on Twitter: "Okaaaaay...."

TALKING of social media, Raith Rovers, like many a football club these days, puts out a running commentary on the net for fans not at the game who want constant updates on what is happening. The luckless chap doing the Raith Rovers feed at the weekend got as far as 71 minutes into the game when opposition Livingston scored their fourth goal against Rovers and he simply wrote with 20 minutes to go: "Am signing off now. Had enough. Hope you readers understand."

FINANCIAL news, and pay-day loan company Wonga reported a loss of over £37m. A Bearsden reader phones to explain it to us: "They were doing quite well until they accidentally took out a loan from themselves. With the sky-high interest rates, they were in the red within a month."

MISTAKES about Scotland, continued. Says Andrew MacGregor on Colonsay: "Once when I was in New York, I turned on the TV to be told that it was the 25th aniversary of the opening of the local Verrazano Bridge which they said had been the longest suspension bridge in the world until the opening of the Humber Bridge 'over the Firth of Forth in England'. Made my day."

A SOUTH Side reader tells us: "Just bumped into my neighbour who told me her pal was getting prepared for her first wedding in years. She'd bought a new dress, shoes to match and so forth. My neighbour asked her friend if she was getting a new hat to which she replied, 'I was thinking of getting one of those fornicators'."

CLYDESDALE Bank has begun issuing plastic £5 notes which will last longer. Says reader John Mulholland optimistically: "These new plastic fivers are great - the money in my wallet now stretches a bit further."

Pic capt:

"You get what you p[ay for," says Rob Jones from Helensburgh who spots this meeting room sign at a leading hotel in central Edinburgh.