The Diary: Real or no’ real

Diary Editor

Monday 28 November 2011

READER John Neil is confused by an urgent warning issued by Renfrewshire Council environmental health officers suggesting counterfeit vodka could cause "headaches, dizziness, nausea, vomiting and, in severe cases, coma".

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Ken Smith

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“Sounds just like genuine vodka to me,” says John.

Scottish pride

CLYDEBANK comedian Kevin Bridges became one of the fastest-selling stars at Glasgow’s SECC when tickets for three shows next October sold out in two hours. Two further dates have been added.

We liked young Kevin’s reaction when the BBC announced he would be starring in his own TV series in February. Said Kevin: “It’ll be great to see something on national TV made from Scotland that doesn’t have an appeal for witnesses before the closing credits.” Fatal distractionFORMER Taggart and now River City actor Colin McCreadie, speaking at Oran Mor’s annual whisky awards in Glasgow, admitted he must have been stopped a thousand times by fans repeated the spoof Taggart line: “There’s been a murder!”However he was once on the train to Edinburgh when a local man, keen to show he had recognised the actor, said rather smugly: “There’s been a killing!” The chap then added: “You must hear that all the time,” to which Colin truthfully answered: “No, can’t say I do.” Floors of perceptionPOETIC tradesmen continued. Piero Pieraccini at Paisley pub Hamishes’ Hoose tells us: “After we suffered water damage to the carpets from work being done at Gilmour Street station a carpet-fitter came to price the job. The lettering on his van brought a wry smile to my face: ‘Bring smiles to your piles.’” Here’s JohnnyEMMY-NOMINATED actor Alan Cumming popped into the Griffin Bar in Glasgow after he and panto veteran Johnny Beattie had spoken at the King’s Theatre on the history of music hall.A regular in the Griffin tells us a slightly bemused Cumming stood aside as octogenerian Beattie was mobbed and photographed by a dozen Glasgow wifies of a certain age. Cumming then took his own picture of Beattie being mobbed, presumably to show his Hollywood mates what a real star looks like. Cheek and cheerfulOUR tale of laidback Highland shopkeepers reminds Jim Scott of holidaying in Wester Ross when he cycled to the shop to collect his Herald.“Are you staying at the cottage at the end of village?” asked the newsagent. When Jim said yes the shopkeeper asked if Jim could drop off two Records and two Expresses on his way back. “Turned out his paper boy was on holiday,” says Jim. Ache or breakA READER on the 66 bus heard a young chap tell his pal that his trip to the dentist the previous day has been “really painful”. When his mate asked what they had done to him, he replied: “They were playing a Phil Collins CD all the time I was there.”

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The Diary: Real or no’ real

Scottish pride

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