THE Edinburgh Playhouse is putting on the nun-based musical Sister Act, and is asking theatre-goers to confess their sins in order to win tickets to the show.
We feel for the husband whose wife confessed: “I made ham sandwiches for his lunch, but when I wasn’t looking, our cat stole the meat out of them and licked the butter. Instead of making him a fresh batch I just put more ham on them and wrapped them up.”
Another chap who caught it was the ex-partner of the lady who wrote in: “Used his toothbrush to clean the loo, and kept the joint account cheque book when we split, and had a spending spree he never knew about.”
Well he might now.
NOT all the confessions were about boyfriends. Said one theatre-goer: “Remember the Shake’n’vac adverts back in the 1980s? ‘Do the shake’n’vac and put the freshness back’?
“Well I did, but used talc and spread it all over the house -- wardrobes, beds, the lot, then blamed it on my sister.”
OUR mention of pushy mendicants remind Peter Cadden: “A chap in the pub told us he was asked by one if he could spare £500 for a coffee. When he informed the beggar that a coffee only cost a pound, he replied, ‘Aye, but I want tae drink it in Brazil’.”
A sorry state
THERE has been much debate amongst politicians about who is more important -- MPs down in Westminster, or MSPs in Edinburgh. Without adding to the debate himself, Ayrshire Labour MP Brian Donohoe merely points out that he received a letter from the People’s Postcode Lottery boss which states: “It has been brought to our attention that you may have received our Parliamentary newsletter, incorrectly addressing you as an MSP and not an MP.
“Our sincerest apologies.”
SCHOOL cadet forces continued. A Glasgow High FP in Newton Mearns tells us the corps actually had stock of rifles and live ammunition in the 1950s and 1960s. “One of many mysteries in the old school was the origin of a bullet hole in the window of one of the maths classrooms. Its position suggested that the shot, if fired from the playground, would have passed through the head of George Jamieson, had he been at his desk. He would not have deserved it; he got me through my Higher Maths.”
Bird of prey
WE asked for your budgie reminiscences, and Frances Woodford in Mirfield, Yorkshire, recalls: “Ages back while working in Newcastle, the cleaner told us she had been left her son’s budgie to look after when he went on holiday. Her son had turned into a Tory supporter despite her best efforts, so when he got back, the budgie was innocently whistling The Red Flag.”
A LONDON reader tells us a chap in his local boozer announced: “Did you see that Nasa has discovered a planet with two suns? The Jocks will be livid. They don’t even have one.”
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