EXTRA time, as it were, for footballers' fragrances.

Stewart Cruickshank suggests 'The Great Smell of Brute', as marketed by recently-departed Rangers' brawler Bilel Mohsni. "He could never be accused of bottling it," adds Stewart.

Alan Thomson thinks the ideal football fragrance should be called 'The Glove'; Bill Wright nominates John (Yogi) Hughes in his playing days. "The fragrance on any opposition player in his immediate vicinity: fear," Bill recalls.

STUART Patrick, ubiquitous chief executive of Glasgow Chamber of Commerce, last week took his team across to Italy for the World Chambers Congress competition.

The host for the final awards dinner was a well-known Italian TV presenter, who bravely decided to present the show in English. He obviously thought his command of the language was better than it turned out to be.

The big raffle prize had been offered by a top Italian accessories designer, who was introduced as "she will now expose to you her jewels."

Cue laughter from all English speakers present.

YESTERDAY's Herald ran an item about a Royal Mail survey of the UK's most popular house names. Reader Margery Dobson said it reminded her of a house name she noticed recently, carved into the gatepost of an imposing Victorian house in Edinburgh: 'Tethersend'.

INTERESTING little story on Glasgow University's Facebook page, after a photo of Albert Einstein getting an honorary LLD there in 1933 was published.

A Facebook user elaborates on the story: "Albert came up on the train and was astonished to see thousands of people at Central station. He complimented his host on the fact that Glaswegians were so well educated since Einstein and relativity were little known outside academic circles.

"His host sheepishly told him that Laurel and Hardy were also on the train."

WORST date ever? Ashley Storrie certainly seems to think so.

The stand-up comedian did some eavesdropping on a couple in Munro's, a craft-ale pub in Glasgow's West End. "He's done nothing but show her videos and pictures of his mate's stag do," she tweeted. "She keeps trying to interject and failing. #baddatespy."

Have you been on a worse date?

GLESCA' floorshow, continued. Annie Pattullo relates her own favourite example, when she was on the Children in Need committee and was heading for a meeting at the Beeb's offices in Queen Margaret Drive.

Being a Fifer, she was lost, and wound down her car window to ask for directions of a man at a bus stop who was swaying slightly. "He really did have a bottle in his pocket and string round his coat to keep it tied together," adds Annie.

The conversation went thus:

Man: "You're Wendy Craig!"

Annie: "No, I'm not."

Man: "Aye, y'ar."

Annie: "No, I'm really not Wendy Craig."

Man (after more back-and-forth): "I'll show you where the BBC offices are if you give me yer autograph."

Annie: "All right, then."

True to his word, he took her safely to Queen Margaret Drive. "I gave him 'my' autograph," Annie says. "He was thrilled."