IS Scotland's grumpiest golfer, Colin Montgomerie, finally showing he has a sense of humour? David Watson in Cumbernauld was listening to Colin commentate on the Scottish Open at Gullane last week when he was quizzed about beating Bernhard Langer in the US Seniors Open. Says David: "Asked about how Langer still seems to be lean and fit, Monty recalled that Langer told him he still wore the same size trousers as he did at 18. Monty then added, 'And I told him so do I. I was fat then too.'

"Chic Murray would be proud."

HARPER Lee's much anticipated early novel Go Set A Watchman was published yesterday, but already critics have given it a bit of a mauling. A reader who keeps an eye on the book market shrewdly observes: "Maybe she should have thrown in some bondage."

BBC Scotland's Dundee-based football reporter Jim Spence is leaving the Beeb this week to go freelance. We liked his announcement on social media about the change in which he stated: "Only two more BBC Radio Scotland shifts to go then I can get re-acquainted with running shoes, Guinness, and wife - not necessarily in that order."

PEOPLE in London arrogant? Never. However a reader tells us she was phoning a Government department in London where the chap at the other end of the phone told her: "Can you speak very slowly, I can't understand your accent." She replied: "I was just about to say the same thing to you," but the chap trumped her with: "Oh surely you can understand English!"

WE bump into former colleague David Belcher whose play about Scottish film-maker Enrico Cocozza, Smart Boy Wanted, is having a read-through in public at Glasgow's Hidden Lane Gallery a week on Sunday. David tells us: "A large front-door plaque greeted visitors to Enrico's Wishaw flat above his mother's former cafeteria, detailing the many letters after his name. Alongside an MA and a PhD, Enrico - the inaugural head of Strathclyde University's Italian Department - boasted a Cav Uff, an honorary knighthood from the Italian government. Few visitors ever guessed that MCPL stood for Motherwell Cats' Protection League, while XPHM referred to Enrico's ice-cream-vending past. As he happily explained, 'I'm an ex-pokey hat man'."

A HERALD feature this week explained that Maryhill was in fact named after a woman named Mary Hill. It reminds an Ayrshire reader of a football supporters bus from Newton Stewart going through Girvan where one fan remarked: "My, Ailsa Craig's looking braw the day". A younger fan, not blessed with much knowledge of geography, thought the chap was referring to the young woman walking down the street. His confusion was compounded when he attended a dance in Girvan a couple of weeks later, saw the young woman in question, and went over and said, 'It's Ailsa, isn't it?"

THE flurry of signings for the new football season reminds John Sword at Glasgow Meat Market of chatting to former Thistle boss John Lambie at Firhill, and John coming out with the tale: "I almost signed a keeper with the nickname The Cat. I thought it meant he was very agile. Turned out whenever there was a corner he gave his manager kittens."

Yes, the old ones are the best.