BIT blowy yesterday, but hardly merited the television news panic of a "weather bomb" hitting the country.

As a dog-owner in Glasgow's West End put it: "Got home early. Millie my dog is claiming the weather bomb hit the living room."

And Jarlath Regan in Ireland summed it up: "Galway has been weather-bombed every summer for years and nobody said anything other than, 'You'll need your jacket'."

MEANWHILE many of us are getting on with the Christmas shopping. Drew McKenzie at Robert Alexander's Butchers in Port Glasgow tells us: "I was working at the counter when this chap walks in and says, 'I want a train set.' I said, 'What?' and he repeated, 'I want a train set.' Seeing my vague expression he walks to the door, turns and tells me, 'It says on your board - order now for Christmas. I want a train set.'

"Then he disappears into the night ."

GETTING the right present can be tricky. We like Anthony Jeselnik's take on it when he declared: "Last Christmas I told my girlfriend that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list - Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox."

LEAKED film company records show that American film star Tom Hanks checks into hotels as "Harry Lauder" in order not to create a fuss. We're not sure of Tom's connection with the Portobello-born Scottish entertainer, famous for his appearances in kilt and carrying a twisting wooded walking-stick, but we do remember Scottish television director Joe McGrath recalling an early job driving the stars who appeared at the Glasgow Empire and taking American singer Danny Kay to see Sir Harry in his home near Glasgow. Said Joe: "Sir Harry gave Danny one of his souvenir walking sticks. Danny thought it was a one-off - he was thrilled. Then I told him Sir Harry had hundreds of gift walking sticks stashed in a cupboard, for visitors. It went straight out the window."

THAT reminds us of veteran BBC Radio Scotland presenter Robbie Shepherd writing in his book, Dash o Doric, that Harry Lauder left a concert on Deeside, confused as to why his jokes had not gone down as well as in other venues. He cheered up, though, when he overheard a lady remark on the way out: "Fit a gran comic. It took me aa ma time nae ti laugh."

A BEARSDEN reader with the surname Menzies prefers the Scottish pronunciation "Ming-us", but despairs of call centre staff on the phone who don't recognise it. "When they ask me," he confides to us, "'Can you spell it?' I reply, 'Of course I can. How thick do you think I am?'"

IT was reported that Nato planes were searching for a submarine, believed to be Russian, spotted near the submarine base at Faslane on Scotland's west coast. In a whimsical fashion a reader wonders if they would broadcast a message to the sub declaring: "Thank you for using the Faslane."

CONTINUING our Christmas compeititon of changing one letter in a film title to make a far more interesting film.

Beauly And The Beast - Donald Trump's plans to build an exclusive golf course horrify the locals (Alex Norton).

Back to the Suture - Patient's keyhole surgery goes badly wrong (Joe Stirling).

Goodbye Mr Chibs - Hunt for a Glasgow hit-man (David Donaldson).

Bands of Iwo Jima - John Wayne storms ashore only to kind the Larkhall Flute Band has already taken the island.

Grief Encounter - Man meets a woman at Central Station only to discover it's his ex-wife (David Perrie).

TODAY'S Christmas gag from a Glasgow reader. "I was at my office Christmas party last year when a colleague at the bar turned to an Asian guy who works in IT drinking a beer beside him and asked, 'Do you know karate or judo?' 'Oh for goodness sake," replied the IT guy. 'Are you only asking me that because I'm Asian?' 'No,' said my colleague. 'It's because you're drinking my beer'."