IAN Barnett was in a Perth hotel at the weekend for a wedding when the breakfast waitress dropped a tray of dishes with an almighty crash.
“As we guests looked at her in astonishment,” says Ian, “she looked back and simply asked: ‘Awake now?’”
OUR dentist story reminds retired firefighter John Dyer in Motherwell of being called to a house fire in Greenock where they wondered if the chap in the house had put the chip pan on -- the classic cause of fires amongst the more refreshed members of the public.
John’s gaffer asked the rescued homeowner: “Did you have anything on?”
Coughing and spluttering, the chap replied: “Aye. I think it was Duran Duran.”
Clue is in the name
HARRY Potter actress Emma Watson is back on the big screen in the film about Marilyn Monroe entitled My Week with Marilyn. A reader wonders if Emma’s parents were tempted to give her the middle name of Mentarymydear.
Something to celebrate
GOVERNMENT changes to the benefits system is forcing more people to apply for jobs they don’t really want in order to keep their benefits being paid. We hear of one Glasgow chap at an interview who was asked if he drank.
“Thanks,” he replied, “but I’d rather wait until the interview’s over.”
He’s in fashion
BBC Scotland’s head of radio Jeff Zycinski has been telling colleagues that he might need some fashion advice after giving a talk to students at Glasgow Caledonian University.
He was telling them it was important to get life experiences beyond the media, and one student said he had a Saturday job at Braehead.
“Which shop?” asked Jeff.
“River Island,” replied the student who paused, looked at Jeff’s timeless utilitarian suit, and patiently explained: “That’s a clothes shop, Jeff.”
IN Glasgow’s west end a newly engaged woman was showing off her diamond solitaire to friends, and announced: “A lot of men are going to be sad when I get married.”
“How’s that?” asked one of her pals sweetly. “You do know you can only marry one man at a time.”
Plumbing the depths
PUNNING plumbers continued. A reader recalls the plumber on Rothesay who styled himself the Drain Brain.
Get a round in
OUR tales of cashing cheques reminds Martin Taylor on Benbecula of once meeting a producer who worked with canny Yorkshire radio quiz presenter Wilfred Pickles. Says Martin: “After rehearsals the cast and crew would head off to the nearest pub. Wilfred would always buy his round with a cheque.
“When asked why, he replied that nine times out of 10 the cheques were never cashed as folk wanted to keep his signature as an autograph.”
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