DON'T you like the verbal embroidery of youngsters? Alastair Stewart tells us his teacher daughter welcomed back her class from a primary school football tournament when one of the knackered lads claimed that one of the boys they were playing against "was at least 17". As it was a primary tournament she suggested that perhaps he wasn't, only to be told: "But you should have seen him Miss - he was big enough to have a mortgage and a wean!"

A DUNBARTONSHIRE reader passes on: "A post appeared on a local social media site asking people to be on the look-out for a spaniel which had been lost. Later a post appeared asking if he had been found. Sadly not and, to make things worse, his owners had left the door open in case he returned while they went out searching, only to come home and find they had been burgled.

"I would like to hear that telephone call to the insurance company."

OUR tales of people walking too far remind John Crawford: "Renfrew Cleansing staff told the story about a new start recruited as a street sweeper. The first morning he was taken out to the Glasgow Road in Paisley and told to sweep the channel as far as the Glasgow boundary, then turn and sweep back towards Paisley.

"As he hadn't returned by 3.30pm a search party was sent out and found him still sweeping along at Bellahouston Park. He'd been so intent on doing a good job, he'd missed the Glasgow boundary sign."

AN EXCITEABLE tabloid newspaper told of "The Ugly Truth" when Kate Moss, the model, caused a disturbance on an easyJet flight. It stated that "She was swigging duty-free vodka from her cabin baggage on board" and that "there was also a 'sweary' altercation with a fellow passenger at some point during the journey."

A bemused reader tells us: "Just sounds like your average easyJet flight out of Glasgow."

NATALIE McGarry, one of Glasgow's new SNP MPs was not impressed with the obfuscation and name-calling at Prime Minister's Questions in the House of Commons yesterday. As she put it: "If Prime Minister's Questions is the shining crown in democracy, someone needs to get out the Brasso."

WE like Oonagh Keating's description when she was heard telling friends: "I've had a cat flap fitted - or 'mouse-entrails delivery hatch' as they're also known."

WE mentioned actor Billy Boyd wanting to make a movie set in Glasgow, and we asked if readers could help with a title. The response was instant. And we would like to pass on:

There's Something About Maryhill (Ian McAnulla).

Battlefield Gallactica (Ron Cairnduff).

Hogganfield's Heroes (David Donaldson).

Bridgeton the River Kwai (Jim Sharkey).

Raiders of the Possilpark (John Mulholland).

Honestly, we'd go to see them.

EVER meet your old teachers? As Adam Hess tells us: "I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still nine?"