A GLASGOW GP swears to us that he had to explain some very complicated test results to a patient, and fearing that the patient wasn't taking it all in, added: "That's a lot of information, but you can call anytime and ask for clarification."

As the patient left, he paused and asked: "Is Clara the woman on the reception desk?"

OUR man in a tweed cap tells us that Perth Racecourse next week is having its first evening event of the year, and to give the night a party atmosphere has announced that the event is free to students, young farmers and rugby clubs. Says our man: "Students, young farmers and rugby players? Can't see that getting out of hand at all."

WE mentioned the family-owned Watt Brothers store in Glasgow celebrating its centenary. A South Side reader tells us: "One of the Watt Brothers stores used to be known as The Wee County shop. During one stormy weekend the store's façade took a battering and the letter 'O' was blown off, causing some understandable consternation among local churchgoers passing by. An express repair was ordered and not long after the shop was renamed Watt Brothers in line with is sister outlets in the chain."

SO did you remember to vote yesterday? A Newton Mearns reader strolling to the polling station yesterday was overtaken by a jogger in shorts who ran straight into the polling booth, before emerging at a run a few minutes later. "I wonder," says our reader, "whether he ran on the spot while marking his cross?"

And an old joke updated for this election comes from a sports fan who phones to tell us: "I hear the St Mirren manager was lurking outside the polling station. Apparently he was looking for someone who could put a decent cross into the box." We wonder what team this will be said about in five years time.

A FEW foreign visitors trickling in to Glasgow in the last few weeks. A reader in the city centre was chatting with a German couple who asked him why so few Glaswegians obeyed traffic signals when crossing the road. "Well," he explained, "we see them more as a suggestion."

THE BBC'S Radio Scotland went on social media to ask: "Doing an event this weekend? Running? Cycling? Swimming? Personal Best wants to hear about it."

Still Game writer Greg Hemphill replied: "Driving Katie Hopkins to the airport."

Which is pretty funny when you realise that outspoken newspaper columnist Hopkins said she would leave the UK if Labour forms the next Government."

A READER was in a Glasgow bar the other night when a chap walked in, and his pals expressed astonishment he was there. "Thought you had to stay in?" asked one. And he replied: "Well the phone rang, and the wife said, 'Pretend I'm not in.' So I came straight here."

AND a final election day story from Sara Peat who had an elderly friend who always took a lift to the polls from the Tories even though she voted Labour. She said it meant one less lift for a Tory voter - and it was always a nicer car than the one Labour offered.