A WEST End reader heard a young chap tell his pal on Byres Road that his father had recently bought one of those selfie sticks, which the more self-absorbed in society use with their mobile phones when taking pictures of themselves.

"That's trendy," replied his pal.

"No really," said the first lad. "He only got it so that he can hold his phone far enough away to read his text messages."

THE Lib Dems' Danny Alexander, trying to hold on to this Scottish seat, has revealed that Tory coalition partners wanted to cut welfare payments by £8bn. As Charles Knight commented: "He's like a lookout man for a gang of burglars who tries to save himself when caught."

Or as a Tory candidate, Peter Mannion, subtly put it: "I think Danny Alexander had better take George Osborne off that CV he's been quietly punting out to head-hunters, and find a new referee."

IT'S not often celebrities have anything sensible to say about politics, but as Scottish award-winning author Christopher Brookmyre declared: "Voters in England are annoyed at an election agenda dictated by obsessions and priorities of another country.

"If only we knew what that felt like."

A READER shopping at Marks and Spencer in Newton Mearns noticed the chap next to him buying a large bunch of flowers. As he put it through the scanner, his wife walked into the store and joked with him: "I hope these are for me."

The shop assistant standing nearby interjected: "They are now."

THE massive new South Glasgow Hospital is impressive with all its high-tech equipment. Reader John Mulholland swears to us: "If, during a visit, your phone battery runs out, just ask for the Charge Nurse."

SCOTTISH schools have broken up for exam leave for senior pupils which means six-year scholars have finished up, leading to the usual shenanigans of teachers' cars covered in foam, and water balloons chucked about. There is also the tradition of having your school shirt signed. Says a Glasgow teacher: "One boy's shirt sleeve had got torn. As one of his teachers signed his sleeve, she commented, 'Oh look. You're all ripped'. 'Thanks Miss. I've been working out', he replied.

"Exit blushing teacher."

TALKING of schools, a teacher tells us a third-year pupil told her it must be strange to be at school for years, leave, study, and then be straight back to school as a teacher. Says our teacher: "I said that, for me, there had been a gap of twenty years between leaving school and coming back as a teacher. 'Were you not bored?' she asked.

"I had to point out that I had actually been working, not just sitting about."

ANYWAY, not long to go now. As a chap said in a Glasgow pub the other night: "Whenever I hear someone say 'a week's a long time in politics' I translate it as 'I can't believe we have another week of this nonsense to go'."