OUR tale of the little schoolboy saying that the Glasgow motto seemed awfully negative reminds Allen Armstrong: "The community group in Fife, Levenmouth Regeneration, organised a school competition for a slogan and used the winning entry on a poster which was, 'Levenmouth - the place to be in the future', which really just gave the impression that it was not the place to be at present."

CANVASSING continued. We are reminded of course of Glasgow politician Maria Fyfe telling the tale of Tory grandee Nicholas Soames standing for the Tories in Clydebank, and the SNP trying to undermine his already struggling campaign by publishing a photo of him winning a polo match, holding aloft the trophy brimming with Champagne, his horse on one side, a blonde beauty on the other.

Knocking doors in Clydebank, Nicholas was naturally finding little support until in one multi-storey, a chap said he would vote Conservative. Astonished, Nicholas asked him why, and he replied: "Any man who likes horses, booze and women can't be all bad."

AND Martin Veart, a Lib Dem candidate in Edinburgh has told party supporters: "In the last Scottish elections I came to one door and a man in his sixties opened it.

'Politicians? I would put them all against the wall and machine gun them.' What does one say to that? 'Really sir?' 'Yes, then get a new lot in, and if they weren't any good, machine gun them too.' 'Well good luck with finding applicants for that one. I'll put you down as a non-voter'."

RELATIONSHIPS can often prove tricky. A reader swears he heard an exasperated chap on his mobile phone in a Glasgow pub tell his other half in the hope that this would somehow solve things: "I still have no idea what you're on about, but I'm agreeing with you anyway - is that not good enough?"

Probably not work, it has to be said.

GOODNESS, time flies when you're drinking wine. Glasgow restaurant La Bonne Auberge, which admittedly has changed premises once in that time, is celebrating its 40th anniversary this year. Not every Glasgow restaurant lasts that long it has to be said. We remember when 30 French rugby fans over in Scotland for a Six Nations game booked into La Bonne Auberge for a wine-tasting evening. One of them then phoned in advance to ask in all seriousness which Scottish wines they would sample. The manager said he was keeping the best to last - a peaty little thing called La Gavulin.

WE mentioned comedian Mark Steel making the geographical faux pas of asking fans: "What does anyone know about Paisley in Glasgow?" George Morton in Newton Mearns, and at onetime a Paisley dweller, makes the shrewd observation: "Mark clearly intended to Tweet, 'What does anybody in Glasgow know about Paisley' but then realised he would get nothing in reply."

IAN Lawson in Milngavie reads in a health board magazine that the new South Glasgow hospital will have two lifts names Arran and Bute. He just wished they had gone a little further geographically and called one of the Coll instead. We agree with Ian that "Coll the lift" has a certain ring to it.

SO is that the good weather coming back? A reader was in St Andrews during the last good spell when he heard a woman declare: "It's just like Miami, today!" A student-type walking past, looked around, then muttered to his pal: "I take it she's never been to Miami."