SURELY the Hogmanay hangovers are well over by now. A police officer in Glasgow swears to us that he and his partner came across an inebriated chap on Hogmanay who was asleep in a shop doorway. They roused him, asked him how much he had to drink, and suggested he should think about going home. The chap merely mumbled "Yes dear" and went back to sleep.

SOMEONE who also had had a bit to drink was the lady who approached Trevor Schuster-Davis, recently returned from a winter break abroad, in a Paisley Road West newsagents, and asked: "Where didja get yir tan?" When Trevor told her India, she rocked a little on her heels before announcing: "That's fabulous. What a coincidence! I wiz watchin' Indiana Jones oan the telly the other night."

OUR tale of slip-ups over surnames reminds John Mulholland of his parents being on holiday in a Spanish resort much favoured by Glaswegians where they were approached by a woman waving a camera who asked: "Gonnae take a photie o' me and ma man?" Explains John: "My mother intervened, insisting that she was much better at taking photos than my father. Referring to a famous fashion photographer she said, 'They don't call me Mrs Bailey for nothing you know'.

"Photograph duly taken, both couples went their separate ways.That evening at dinner in the hotel restaurant, my parents were startled to hear a voice from another table shout, 'Look, there's that Mr and Mrs Bailey that took wur photie the day!'"

WE asked about your poor starts to the New Year and Tom Rafferty tells us: "I was visiting the Royal Infirmary on New Year's Day where the woman in the next bed had a visit from her grandson. He made it to the hospital, but had not made it all the way upstairs to see his Gran. The poor chap had slipped and bumped his head, splitting it open, so was walked along to A&E with his Dad to get clips to put his head back together while his Grandad carried on with the planned visit. So not such a good start to his year."

SHOPPING tales continued. Jane Miller passes on: "A neighbour was visiting his local supermarket and was very surprised to notice that the assistant behind the counter had moved from the drinks section, after being there for a long time, to the fish department. 'Oh', he gasped, before ordering his piece of salmon, 'So you've given up the drink I see'.

"Not realising what he had blurted out till afterwards, he had left the assistant speechless with a rather pink face in front of the rest of the bemused customers."

AND a worker in a health food store tries to convince us that a customer came in, picked up a jar of honey, studied the label for a moment or two, then asked: "Is this from free range bees?"

PROOF alas of how civilisation is faltering these days. A reader was in one of Glasgow's remaining bookshops when he heard a young girl squeal: "Oh I love that author!" Her pal then asked her what book she had read by said author. "Oh I've not read any of her books," the girl replied. "But I follow her on Twitter."

A SENBIOR citizen tells us he was reading his Herald the other day when his daughter was over for a visit, and she started to insist that her dad should exercise more to keep himself healthier. "I get plenty of exercise," he told her. When she queried this statement he told her: "I have to get up and search for my glasses and my keys two or three times a day, and I get out of bed twice every night to go to the toilet." He feels he won the argument.

A FEW coughs and sneezes going about offices these days. A reader says he hopes a colleague was joking when she spluttered into her handkerchief yesterday then told everyone: "I came into work sick because I didn't want to waste a sick day."