WE asked for stories about King Tut's in Glasgow and Lynda Nicolson tells us: "The McCluskey Brothers left the stage at the end of their gig to roars, whistles and bellows as the crowd screamed for an encore - but no joy. There was no sign of them coming back on. It wasn't till the din died down that we heard the banging. The side door the band had left by had jammed, and they were stuck. Someone from the crowd rescued them and the encore happened to great cheers."

NEARLY St Valentine's Day, and Bryan Owen says: "I bought a distinctive Valentine's card for my wife this morning. The lady at the check-out asked if I'd like a stamp with it. 'No,' I said, 'I'm still living with her.'

"I don't think she got it."

THE line-up for the American stand-up show at the Glasgow Comedy Festival includes Brooklyn-based Kendra Cunningham who had an interesting observation about mothers the other day. Kendra had decided to give her mum in Boston a surprise visit on her birthday, but this involved a four-hour train journey. So that her mother didn't phone her while she was on the train, Kendra said she was going out for a drink with a friend from work.

When she eventually met her mum in Boston, as Kendra explained: "Turns out I did surprise my mother. She couldn't believe I lied to her about going for drinks with a friend from work. She asked, 'Do you even have a friend from work or was that a lie too'?"

OUR readers like a bit of accuracy in the English language. As John Mulholland points out: "The warning on Marks & Spencer carrier bags could be better phrased: 'To avoid suffocation keep away from children.' I've never thought that children ever posed a threat of asphyxiation."

MISUNDERSTANDINGS continued. We mentioned slaters, the Scots word for woodlice. Ronnie Fox in Wishaw says she had never heard of the word used that way, and only knew the roof fixing version. She says: "I once worked in Shotts where our pay rise one year was a bit disappointing. A colleague said, 'oh well, it's better than a slater up your nose,' and thinking of the tiler, I thought that was really daft, even for Shotts."

We confess it was the "even for Shotts" bit that made us smile the most.

WE always like to know what's going on in the comfortable, some say smug, New Town area of Edinburgh. Says Norrie Rowan: "Richard Murphy OBE, the controversial architect, has just moved into his new house in the New Town. The council has just let him know what it thinks of that. It has put a giant black wheelie bin for the whole street outside his gate."

GOSH, we thought we had flushed our toilet roll stories, but Jim Clark just squeezes in with: "We lived in Zambia where there were frequent shortages of essentials, including toilet paper. It was the rainy season, and our neighbour's precious purchase of a few toilet rolls got wet. When the blazing sun came out again, she gently unrolled them to hang over the veranda to dry. Another neighbour exclaimed, 'For God's sake, we are surely not having to reuse these now!'"

THE erotic film Fifty Shades of Grey is released this weekend. Reader David Donaldson tells us: "The publishers of the book it is based on boast that it has been translated into 51 languages, including Thai, Hebrew, Icelandic, Latvian, Korean and Mongolian. Apparently they are working on an Innuit version which is to be titled Fifty Sleds of Grey."