MEDIA news, and the tabloid newspaper The Sun has announced it will stop featuring pictures of topless models on Page Three.. A worried reader contacts us to ask: "Have they thought this through? There's going to be a lot of professional footballers out there unable to find girlfriends now."

A NUMBER of schools are having their prelim exams just now. A teacher tells us that in his school's modern studies prelim this week a pupil was discussing the differences between families of those serving in the military and, as she put it "Sylvanian families" which are of course cute little collectible animals, and possibly not what she meant.

And talking of schools, a reader phones with a word of advice for parents: "Encourage your children to take an interest in meteorology by mentioning that their school might close if it snows any more.".

CONGRATULATIONS to American golfer Jack Nicklaus celebrating his 75th birthday yesterday. A reader recalls that Jack, who never really was that flamboyant on the golf course, was being interviewed by a gushing reporter once who asked: "You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?"

Jack's responded: "The holes are numbered."

TALKING about golf, a gag to keep all the golfers out there happy as their courses are covered in snow, and possibly even worse, shrieking children sledging on them. A golfer at a Glasgow club in the summer saw his opponent in a club medal appear with not one, but two caddies. "Why are you using two caddies?" the surprised chap asked.

"The wife says I should be spending more time with the kids," he replied.

OUR toilet stories have ventured abroad as Bob Jarvie tells us: "We were on a family holiday in France when my wife and daughter went to the loo. They were in cubicles separated by an occupied one when my daughter discovered there was no loo roll and shouted to mum for help. Her mum passed her a loo roll under the wall to the next cubicle and the unknown lady passed it along to our daughter. I always wondered if the lady understood English."

SO you thought it was just drunks nursing hangovers who like Irn Bru? The young Swedish sisters who perform as the group First Aid Kit were appearing at the Usher Hall in Edinburgh this week, and they tweeted a picture of themselves with a nearly empty two-litre bottle of Irn Bru and claimed it's the best drink ever. So now you chaps out there know how to impress young Swedish girls. Possibly.

ON the subject of romance, it's Valentine's Day next month. You chaps might want to up your game. Alan Grimes, head concierge at Cameron House on Loch Lomond said he had a chap who wanted to propose at the hotel but didn't want his girlfriend to know what he was planning. So unaware she was coming to Cameron House, Alan arranged for the back gates to be open so he could drive her to the hotel's luxury cruiser where they went on board by themselves. Says Alan: "Our crew were in on the ruse said how lucky they were to get the cruise all to themselves. The skipper diverted the boat to the island of Inchmurrin and suggested they stretch their legs. The couple rounded a hill where they were greeted by our doorman Jack in full kilt, holding a silver tray with a small card with 'will you marry me' in Gaelic and a small box holding the ring."

Anyone top that?

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to interrupt us with: "Went out on a first date at the weekend, and I have to say she ticked a lot of boxes - although she did say it was a bit creepy that I made her fill in a survey."