OUR story of the minister being outsmarted by his Sunday School reminds John Morrison in Fife of a minister friend who told the youngsters:
"Just think children, if there was no Jesus there would be no Christmas."
His point was perhaps spoiled by the little one who piped up: "And you'd have nae job."
The funniest fall guy
WE have a theory that the maintenance staff are often the funniest people in a building. A reader was interrupted in his work in a Glasgow office by such a chap hammering a sign on to the wall. When he finished, he stood back to admire his work and announced: "That should stay up till it falls down."
Window of opportunity
TENEMENT tales continued. Bill Taylor reminds us of the apocryphal tale: "There was the Edinburgh lady who moved to a top-floor tenement flat in Glasgow. In spite of the prim face that she presented to neighbours, she had a guilty secret - a 'gentleman caller' - whom she would 'entertain' every week. Imagine her horror when he collapsed and died in her arms.
"Mortally embarrassed at what people would think, she was forced to seek the help of her neighbour across the landing. This resourceful Glasgow lady surveyed the body for a moment and then said, 'Jist put a shammy in his haun, and throw him oot the windae.'"
Taking a battering
DOUGLAS Mars in Kelvinside wonders if it was an unhappy customer who changed the board outside a restaurant in Millport the other day. The restaurant had been advertising its "Breaded Haddock", which was chalked on the board, but someone had rubbed out part of the message. It now read to all the passers-by as "Dreaded Haddock".
THE LibDem conference has ended in Glasgow. Perhaps not a fan of the party, Martin Morrison in Lochinver tells us: "Even though the hall was half-empty, the LibDem conference still had a sell-out crowd."
Hit and myth
OUR tale of the teacher finally being given the classic "my dog ate my homework" excuse reminds Dr Jamie Wilkie in Australia: "When I was a student in Glasgow, my flatmate and I were walking up the steep part of St Vincent Street near Blythswood Street. A couple were approaching us, travelling downhill, when the man suddenly slipped and fell into the arms of my flatmate who steadied him. We all looked down to the pavement at the same time and were astonished to see a discarded banana skin. Another myth busted."
A READER passes on the wise words he heard from a young chap on the bus into Glasgow who insisted to his pal: "I'm not anti-social. It's just that people are so annoying."
The ultimate doughboy
A COUPLE of young chaps in a Glasgow pub the other night were discussing a mutual friend who was apparently putting on a bit of weight. Eventually one of them declared: "I'm not saying he's greedy, but he probably cleans the inside of his cooker with a slice of bread."
Going for bronze
FINAL summer holiday tales. James Martin makes us groan by telling us: "I was comparing my skin tone after my holiday in Bangkok, with my mate who's been to Phuket. It really is the clash of the Thai tans."
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