HALF of primary pupils cannot swim, leading to calls for more lessons at school.
It reminds us of the Edinburgh PE teacher who took a class to the baths, and sent one girl, whose costume was covered in proficiency badges, to the deep end.
She immediately got into difficulties, and he had to dive in to save her. Once out the pool he asked about her awards and she told him: "Oh, them. The cossie's my sister's."
No pain, no gain
AND for a slice of nostalgia about going to the baths in Glasgow, Jean Kendal told the website OurGlasgowStory: "Pollokshaws was where our local baths were. When we came out we used to go to the newsagent for a small bar of chocolate, then to the bakery in Shawbridge Street where the hot rolls would be just coming out of the oven. The chocolate would slip nicely into the roll. Manna from heaven.
"You can keep your pain au chocolat."
Any more stories from the baths?
Park and drive
BLAIR Miller from Clarkston was in the queue at the Pavilion Theatre's box office in Glasgow's city centre when everyone in the queue turned to watch the driver of a small car struggling to manoeuvre into a large space. The box office ticket seller joined in by announcing: "If she leaves the car any further out she'll need a taxi to get to the pavement."
NAN Wylie has had delivered an advertisement from a Bo'ness firm of carpet cleaners which boasts: "Safest carpet cleaning system available that gives you the 'just been laid' look." She feels the grammar should perhaps be tidied up to avoid any misunderstanding.
TENEMENT tales continued. Miller Frondigoun recalls: "During the war when my father was serving overseas and I was a babe in arms, the siren went and our neighbour Willie Davis came down to see if my mother was all right.
"She was standing in a state of panic clutching me. 'I'm not going out there" said my mother. Willie grabbed me and made for the air-raid shelter. 'You can stay here if you want but I'm taking the wean.'
He ran out, closely followed by my hysterical mother."
OUR story of the maintenance man hanging a sign reminds Evelyn Hogarth: "My aunt had a large storage cupboard fitted above her bed recess in her tenement home. The joiner hammered in a final nail declaring "that'll mak it mair solider". From then on, the cupboard she stored her spare linen in was called her "mairsolider".
Through the cakehole
"I PUT my hair in a bun the other day," said the young Glasgow girl to her pal.
"That's why I lost my job at Greggs."
Keen as muster
IT'S confusing when you get your sayings mixed up. Tom Rafferty was at a meeting this week when someone declared: "If that doesn't pass the mustard, then we will need to find a different way to do it."
Tom was stuck with the mental image of a disembodied hand passing a jar of Coleman's. Or possibly not passing it.
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