FORMER Socialist MSP Rosie Kane is to appear as herself when the play I Tommy, about Tommy Sheridan's colourful life, moves to the Glasgow Pavilion this month.

We liked it when Rosie, who has now done a few stage appearances, described her Glasgow roots: "We were a large family ... like the Osmonds, but with fillings."

Double take

RICHARD Fowler in Orkney tells us that Willie Buchan, the Fishermen's Mission port officer in Kirkwall, got a text message this week from a local skipper to tell him that "Jesus is in the Balfour Hospital with a groin injury."

He mind was truly boggled, until it was pointed out to him that the boat in question, unusual for one from Orkney, had a Filipino crewman who had indeed been taken ill, and had a Christian name rarely seen in Scotland.

Picture perfect

CATTY comments continued. A reader says he once heard a woman tell her pal: "So I told her she was really photogenic when she showed me her pictures. I thought it was the nicest way of saying she didn't look as ugly as she is in real life."

Argumentative shower

A READER on his morning bus into Glasgow heard a young chap tell his pals: "I spend about a tenth of the time in the shower washing. The rest of it is spent winning fake arguments in my head."

Addressing the problem

WE asked for your tenement stories - a reader reminds us of the postie delivering a letter to a west end student flat in Glasgow. Having climbed to the top floor without finding the name on any of the doors, he was left with the last flat where, due to the transient nature of the students using it, the names of the occupants were written on a sheet of paper.

The postie, reluctant to try anywhere else, took out a pencil, added the name of the person on the envelope, and popped the envelop ethrough the letterbox.

Mish-mash

AND there was the tenement blaze in Glasgow many years ago where the fire brigade found a fractured gas pipe. Planning to plug the escaping gas temporarily, the senior officer asked a new firemen to borrow a potato from one of the neighbours.

He came back with a packet of Smash and asked if that would do instead.

Any more?

Pinned down

A GROUP of chaps in a Glasgow pub were discussing what they spend most of their time doing online - whether it was looking at news sites, football fan forums, or whatever. One of them piped up: "These days I seem to spend most of my time just sitting there waiting for emails resetting my forgotten passwords."

Sour note

THE universities will soon be back, which reminds a reader of the story about the Glasgow student who attached five £20 notes to his test paper with a note saying "a pound a mark'. He got the paper back with a mark of only 40, and £60 in change.