DO you think," said the old trade unionist over a pint in the bar the other night, "that this new film about Margaret Thatcher will be categorised as being unsuitable for miners?"
Really green wind power
A READER hears an old chap being buffeted by the gales outside a Glasgow Post Office yesterday declare: "Scotland is aye troubled by wind at this time of year. I always blamed the sprouts."
TAKING a breather from the sales in Glasgow yesterday, a woman in a coffee shop was heard asking her pal, laden with a stack of store-labelled bags, if she was managing to live within her income.
"Within my income?" her pal replied. "It takes all my effort to live within my credit-card limit."
READER Jim Hunter was in a Dalmarnock supermarket two days before Christmas when the hard-pressed staff were doing their best to fill the shelves just as quickly as the manic shoppers were trying to empty them.
Playing in the background was the seasonal song "I wish it could be Christmas every day."
Jim overheard one shelf-stacker say to another: "If it wiz, we'd a' be deid."
A fired-up audience
CHRISTMAS may be over, but most of Scotland's pantomimes continue into the New Year.
At Jackie and the Beanstalk at Stirling's Macrobert Arts Centre the other day, the fire alarm went off halfway through, and the audience dutifully trooped outside until the all-clear was given.
Minutes after their return, panto dame Johnny McKnight was encouraging the audience to shout on the beanstalk to grow.
Eventually Johnny shouted out: "We can get 500 folk out of a theatre in two minutes, yet we cannae get a beanstalk tae grow!!"
When the party's over -
A LENZIE reader is hoping he doesn't repeat his mistake of last New Year when he couldn't get out of his driveway because a visitor to his neighbour's New Year's party had blocked him in.
When he went to the neighbour's to ask to get the car moved he was asked inside for a drink.
About ten minutes later, as he was convivially holding a drink in the host's kitchen, he suddenly blurted out: "Oh no, I've left the wife in the car."
Fun and Games
"I WAS watching a news report on the funeral of North Korea leader Kim Jong-Il," a reader tells us, "when the reporter explained that he had wasted millions of public money on grandiose, pointless projects, while his countrymen suffered.
"The next item was a report on the preparations for the London Olympics."
To summit up
WE asked for your Scottish haikus, and Ian Higgins takes us almost literally by suggesting:
On Cairngorm summit
A shaggy longhorn grazing;
A Scottish high coo.
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