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The Diary: The magic’s flagging

A READER watched a hippy-type face painter with purple hair on Buchanan Street, Glasgow, on Saturday doing the usual tiger, Spider-Man or cat faces on children's coupons.

She was touched to see a teenage boy sitting down to have some face art, thinking it was great he was neither embarrassed nor worried about being bullied for having something so whimsical painted on him.

She was interested to hear what the boy wanted, and listened to his request. So where else than Glasgow, she pondered, would a face painter be asked: “A Union Jack.”


Nuisance call

THE last train from Edinburgh to Glasgow can be a bit boisterous. A reader was trying to enjoy some peace on the train but was disturbed by four young men around the table opposite who were discussing the night’s events in extremely loud voices and laughing relentlessly.

The penny finally dropped, however, as one of them suddenly told his companions: “Guys, guys -- we’ve become the people on the train everyone else wants to shut up.”


Guff justice

The dullest television show of the week, many argue, was the Ant and Dec show Red Or Black, where folk choose well, red or black, to try to win a million pounds.

A reader heard a man on the bus into Glasgow discussing it with a pal, and declaring: “I chose red -- the colour of the standby button on my remote control -- after five minutes of that rubbish.”

A cunning plan

AS ithers see us. An expat in Iowa sends us a joke from his local newspaper which states: “An American and a Scotsman are discussing ways to bring tourism to their countries. The American says, ‘I’ll build a theme park costing millions, employing thousands of people, which will bring people from around the world.’ The Scotsman replies, ‘I’m just gonna go down to the nearest loch and shout “What was that!” Should do the trick.’”


Guilt to last

A RETIRED traffic cop tells us he once approached a driver he had stopped on the south side of Glasgow and asked him: “Do you know why I pulled you over?” When the driver shook his head our reader told him: “You have a broken brake light.”

“Oh I thought it was because my MOT’s out of date,” replied the driver.


Bayou must be kidding

GLASGOW Cajun band Domino Gumbo, appearing at The Ferry’s blues night on Sunday, spent weeks in Lousiana last year researching the music, which included a trip to the famous Cajun bar Fred’s Lounge.

They found they were drawing some strange looks from the locals, and eventually one weatherbeaten fellow asked where they were from. On learning they were Scots he breathed a sigh of relief and passed the word round the bar that they were Scottish tourists, not Amish visitors who’d entered by mistake.

“I never realised we were that peely-wally, to say nothing of our fashion sense,” says band leader Gavin Paterson.

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