GLASWEGIANS are always keen to help visitors to the city.
On a sunny Saturday a chap on Dumbarton Road in Partick was stopped by an English tourist, who asked him: "Are you familiar with this area?" Trying to be honest with her, he replied: "Only if you're looking for a pub."
She hurried on instead after thanking him.
A CELTIC fan tells us he was en route to the game on Saturday, and feeling a bit peckish he stopped at a burger van for some sustenance. In front of him a rather bulky chap asked for two cheeseburgers, and perhaps feeling he was being judged by the server, he added: "One's for a pal."
As he walked away with his fare, the woman who served him muttered: "Pal my backside." And she may not have actually said backside.
Clever boy ...
BROADCASTER and writer Lesley Riddoch has written a book, Blossom, which examines how Scotland can flourish in the future. In it, she talks about the ready wit of Scots.
She says she was cycling in a remote Highland glen when she came across a chap struggling to lift his heavy rucksack but was being hampered by his over-excited dog.
"I see your dog's not trained for heavy lifting then," remarked Lesley, making conversation.
"Aye, but you should see him bang in the tent pegs," the chap replied.
OUR sat-nav pun reminds John Sword of his dad Walter working in the Glasgow meat market and being approached by a company rep. His dad came out with the memorable line: "Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you the rep from Tippex?"
Over the top?
POLITICAL news, and our left-wing contact tells us: "David Cameron's Government is to invest millions in the centenary of the First World War next year by staging a dramatic recreation.
Cardiff City, managed by Bellshill-born football manager Malky Mackay, pictured, stunned the football world this week by beating Manchester City week, who were without their injured captain Vincent Kompany. It allowed a disaffected City fan to declare: "We are missing three things. One's a title, two's Kompany, and three's a crowd."
STUDENTS can get bored this time of year, waiting for university to go back. A couple were in a coffee shop in Glasgow where they put your name on the cup before they make your beverage. One of the students said his name was Wally - a character in a striped shirt in popular children's books. He was hoping the server would hold it up and ask: "Where's Wally?"
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