Time please

Ken Smith

Diary Editor

Tuesday 22 May 2012

A GLASGOW reader tells us he visited his late-night corner store where he asked the salesperson what time they closed.

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Ken Smith

"We close at 10 o'clock," the woman replied. "But we start giving dirty looks at a quarter to."

Love is in the air

WE say goodbye to our glass eye stories with Alan Barlow in Paisley telling us: "A pal of mine used to work with a colleague who had an ocular prosthesis, whose surname was Love. He was, of course, known as 'The one-eyed Love.'"

Listen upKENNY Kemp was in Edinburgh's Waverley Station when he overheard a traveller tell a companion: "Did you know my granny's died?" "No, I'm so sorry to hear that, how old was she?" replied his concerned friend."No. Magranny, the Lockerbie bombing guy."Dark artsA GIFFNOCK reader tells us he looked at the row of DVDs in his son's bedroom and pondered: "Teenage boys – well prepared to fend off a zombie attack, but not ready for tomorrow's maths exam."Study breakAUTHOR Bob Jeffrey was in an Amsterdam pub the other day when a couple of Glasgow guys came in and started chatting up two good-looking girls. Says Bob: "It emerged that the girls were not local but over in the Netherlands studying. 'What about you?' they asked, and our Glasgow guys did the city's inventiveness and sense of humour proud by saying in a straight face that they were in Amsterdam studying for a thesis on clogs and tulips."Under attackAND still the digs come in about Rangers. John Dyer phones to ask: "Did you hear that Lee McCulloch was called before the Leveson Inquiry?"He was there to deny constant hacking."Away dayMOFFAT-BORN comedian Danny Bhoy, who is appearing at the EICC during the Edinburgh Fringe after sell-out shows in Australia and Canada, was reminded of his youth by the sudden sunny weather. "Today is the kind of day that when I was a kid, my mum would march into the living room, switch off the television and shout: 'Right, you lot, get out! It's too nice a day to sit around the house watching TV. Go on, get out there and do something.'"And I would go for a long cycle, and then, when it got too cold to feel my hands, I would cycle back home, and my mum would say, 'Where have you been? I've been worried sick!'"You could never win."Fire saleOUR story about the forthcoming Olympic Torch arrival in Glasgow brings from reader Patricia Cox the observation: "The Olympic Torch will start the Glasgow relay at 5.43pm, go missing and be on eBay by 6pm."

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