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Token gesture?

THE makers of Monopoly are to replace the iron token with a cat after a poll of fans of the board game.

But as one reader told us: "There's one thing they haven't updated to reflect modern times. In Monopoly the banker can still go to jail."

Cryptic clue

TALKING of banking and the difficulties of raising finance, Andy Leven remembers when his father ran a butcher's shop in Dennistoun in the sixties and had a notice on the wall which stated "CREFDIT".

It allowed him, of course, when a puzzled customer said there was no F in Credit, to reply: "Exactly".

Not having a ball?

BBC Scotland's traffic staff warned motorists yesterday that a large exercise ball was bouncing around on the south-bound carriageway of Glasgow's Kingston Bridge. One of them added the possible explanation: "It's someone who's obviously sick of the New Year exercise regime."

Name check

KIRSTY Buchanan tells us of a friend's family dining in an American-themed restaurant in Glasgow where an enthusiastic waitress with an American accent took their order. Says Kirsty: "After she left my friend was wondering aloud whether or not she was really an American or if it was just an act to keep the theme running.

"Her brother was quick to respond with some authority, 'with a name like Trainee she's bound to be American'."

Sorry tails..

A FINAL school belt story as Cecilia Murray tells us of being a teacher in Glasgow and helping out with the Christmas production of Cinderella.

Says Cecilia: "The three children acting as the mice for Cinderella's coach were being unruly backstage. To restore order a male teacher belted the mice, in their magnificent mice costumes.

"Could you imagine that being filmed on mobile phones nowadays?"


A READER in England sees the headline "Scotland set to launch first satellite" and remarks: "Otherwise known as a shot 'on goal'."


OUR tales of tipping remind Russell Martin in Bearsden of being in a Manhattan restaurant where the bill arrived with a score card asking diners to assess their experience on a scale of one to five. A well refreshed Russell misread it and marked everything with a one rather than the top mark of five.

"The large and intimidating waiter enquired, 'what's the madda? You don't like the food? You don't like me?'

"A quick reassessment and a large tip possibly saved the NYPD from fishing concrete encrusted Scottish tourists out of the Hudson River," says Russell.

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