FORGETFUL continued.

Says Robert Gardner: "My aunt wanted to go to the old Lewis's in Glasgow, and my uncle being a pipe smoker said he would stand outside and wait for her coming out. Clasping lots of parcels after a successful day, she got the train home, and as she put the key in the door, realised that she had left her other half in Glasgow. She phoned the shop in a panic, and he was still patiently waiting at the door. She never was allowed to forget that."

Fowl play afoot

OUTRAGEOUS spelling errors remind Eddie Tweedlie in Hamilton: "Early in my teaching career I was made aware of the limitations of my oral communication when a pupil's essay on The Grapes of Wrath informed me that it had won Steinbeck a Pullet Surprise."

Pant-omime material

NO more mentions of Chester Drawers, but we have a soft spot for Chic Murray of course, and Angus Johnston reminds us: "You'll surely recall Chic Murray's monologue when he purported to be called Charlie Drawers? His father ran a drapery shop in partnership with an Islay man called Simmit.

"Simmit and Drawers, Drapers. His youngest brother was called Chester - he was a tall boy - a bit wooden. Father's advice when Chic was going out into the wide world: 'Never let the Drawers down.'"

Posh nosh

WE don't think even the good folk of Glasgow's West End can compete with the gentleman a reader overheard in the Waitrose store in Marlow, Buckinghamshire, who shouted across the aisles: "Do we have enough parmesan for both houses darling?"

Unless anyone has heard better.

Pigging out

A READER wonders if the Scottish Government's press officers are bigging up the Government before this year's referendum. It's just that they put out a press release this week titled "Saving Scotland's Bacon". Well done, you might think, saving the country, until you realise the story is actually a Government grant to build an extension to a pork processing plant in Brechin.

Oil and trouble

WE asked how teachers coped after the belt was abolished, and Niall Maclean tells us about a headteacher, a Mr Smith in Lochgoilhead, Argyll, who would administer a large dose of castor oil to errant pupils instead. He came to be known by everyone as Castor Oil Smith.

Olympic snow-offs

WATCHING the Winter Olympics? Astute words from Bennett Arron who tells us: "Some of these Winter Olympic sports participants just seem to be privileged young people, whose parents took them on skiing trips every year, just showing off."

The ultimate spice girl

SAD to hear of the death of Holywood legend Shirley Temple, who somehow found her name being used for cocktails. It was probably inevitable also that in the Solihull suburb of Shirley, the local Thai restaurant is named the Shirley Temple.

Video nasty

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to tell us: "Do you want me to send you a video of the lions being fed at Copenhagen Zoo?

"I have to warn you though," he added. "It's pretty giraffic."