OH yes it is ...

panto time has arrived in Glasgow. Stars from the King's Theatre's Aladdin, Karen Dunbar as the Slave of the Ring and Still Game's Gavin Mitchell as the evil Abanazar, were in full costume on the platform of St Enoch's Subway station to have their picture taken for a special promotion which gives Subway ticket holders money off their panto tickets.

As they posed for the photographer a train arrived and a chap getting off took in the scene and asked them: "Has your magic carpet broken doon?" before walking past.

Wiser than Herod

ALSO at this time of year are the various nativity plays being rehearsed at schools. Frank Reilly in Glasgow tells us: "My daughter has got the part of Herod. Quite what characteristics made her suitable I have yet to discover. However I was impressed by the sharpness of her six-year-old mind. 'Those wise men weren't wise at all. They gave Herod a clue about the baby Jesus was. How is that wise?' she asked.

"I have a logician and philosopher for a daughter, it would seem."

Got it all worked out

ALSO being a bit of a philsopher was the student in Glasgow's west end who told a fellow student: "The worst part about looking for a job is if you're successful, you end up with a job."

Calling the tune

A READER swears he heard a chap in a Glasgow pub announce to his pals: "I tell girls I'm on performance-related pay.

"It sounds better than saying I'm a busker in Buchanan Street."

A different pitch

A FOOTBALL fan listening to a commentary on the radio the other night realises there are some rules that football pundits always follow. He tells us: "Somehow when a footballer reaches his thirties he no longer cheats in a game but is said to be 'using his experience'."

Are there any other rules of football punditry that readers have noticed?

Wake-up call

NEWS events are of course frequently discussed on the way into work. One woman on the bus into Glasgow yesterday was heard telling her pal: "Did you see that Saatchi guy claimed that his wife Nigella Lawson was off her head on drugs?"

"You would have to be," replied her pal, "to wake up next to him in the morning."

Well plaid

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to tell us: "I'm not sure how to design a tartan, so I'll just double check."

Smoking out manners

A GLASGOW reader visiting Dublin tells us he was waiting for the city tour bus when a passing old woman told a young chap at the bus stop who was smoking: "That's a terrible habit."

Our reader thought the chap did well in keeping his composure and replying: "So is being rude to people you don't know."

Doggone diary

PLUG alert! I'll be signing copies of the new Diary book, Fur Goodness Sake! - that's the name of the book not a reaction to me signing them - at Waterstones on Argyle Street in Glasgow on Saturday at 1pm. Waterstones Newton Mearns will be the following Saturday. The book includes readers' tales of bragging about how poor they were growing up, including the Motherwell chap who declared: "We were so poor we had to eat scraps for our tea.

"I still miss that dog."