GLASWEGIANS are quick to give funny names to new structures – the Armadillo, the Squinty Bridge – but they have some way to go before they match Dublin's aptitude for nicknames.
A new book, Dublin's Strangest Tales by Michael Barry and Patrick Sammon, details a statue in O'Connell Street, commissioned in 1988, of Anna Livia Plurabelle, a character of course in James Joyce's Finnegans Wake.
The statue had a fountain and its waters were supposed to represent the flow of the River Liffey. But Dubliners singularly failed to appreciate the aesthetic. They referred to the statue as "the Floozie in the Jacuzzi".
The result? The statue now languishes in an obscure little park some distance away.
That's gratitude
YOU'LL remember the story a few weeks ago about a Sainsbury's check-out assistant refusing to serve a customer who was talking on her mobile phone.
Fair enough, you might have thought. But the boot is sometimes on the other foot. From Wishaw we hear of a grandfatherly type in a supermarket with a trolleyful of groceries who failed to get a greeting from the check-out girl.
Not a word was spoken as she scanned the items. When he asked how much he was due, she merely pointed to the till display. Still silence reigned. Transaction complete, our friend decided to remind her about common courtesy.
"Does anyone say thanks any more?" he asked.
At which the girl uttered her only words: "It's written on your ticket."
Exit a wondering grandfather ...
Recycled joke
AND still the puns flood in, with John Gallacher, of Alloa, suggesting that people who are obese should be sent for waist recycling.
Malcolm Campbell, in Dumfries, mentions the cinema in the Basque country which went up in flames one night. Unfortunately it only had one door, and there were many casualties. All of which suggests that you shouldn't put all your basques in one exit.
Even the Duke of Edinburgh gets in on the act. Sandy Lawson recalling that the Duke once witnessed a ramshackle throne collapsing when an African king sat on it and remarked: "People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."
What are the odds?
AND Annemarie Kennedy, in Saltcoats, claims she recently sent a list of 10 puns to a certain newspaper, hoping that some would be featured.
"Unfortunately," she notes, "no pun in ten did."
Lost connection
OVERHEARD in a particularly busy Glasgow A&E department recently, with the staff running hither and yon: "Do you have wi-fi here?"
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article