WE bump into musician Roy Gullane, who tells us:

"I've just returned from a US tour with the Tannahill Weavers, during the course of which I had to do several press interviews. I have been doing these things for over four decades now and have been asked many, many strange questions. None stranger, however, than the gentleman from Wichita Falls who asked me, 'I think Scottish women are gorgeous. Do they like vodka?'

"I told him it was the law."

An L of a difference

AH the generation gap. Comedienne Tiff Stevenson, who is appearing at Glasgow's latest comedy venue, the recently opened Drygate Brewery, east of the city centre, once told a Glasgow audience of her difficulties with a teenage audience.

Recalled Tiff - it's short for Tiffany - "I once did a gig in front of a crowd of teenagers and told a joke about Chairman Mao. They stared at me blankly. I realised they had never seen the letters MAO without the letter L in front of them."

And if you don't understand that, then you'll have to ask a teenager.

Holiday bags

WE mentioned the new charge for carrier bags in Scotland. A south side reader tells us news of the bag charge had not reached everyone, as an elderly gent in the local store, when told he was being charged five pence for a bag, retorted: "Five pence? I must have enough to pay for a weekend in Blackpool under the sink."

Hitting a reel low

ROUKEN Glen Park is the jewel of the south side, much revered by locals since it was taken over from Glasgow Corporation by East Renfrewshire Council. A reader spots a smartly-dressed chap walking his chow in the park, who is stopped by a workie in a hi-viz yellow vest, who tells him he can't walk on that path. "I can walk anywhere I want," protested the dog owner.

"But we're filming," says the workie. "Filming what?" asked the dog owner.

"An advert for Gala Bingo," says vest man. To which the south sider imperiously replied: "Couldn't you lower the tone of the park further?"

Turning a blind eye

A READER in Greenock was impressed by the steely determination of a mother he saw in his local shop. Her young daughter further along the aisle had shouted out: "Ma. What's this?" Without even turning round her mother replied: "Something you're no gettin'."

On the ball

NOT for the first time we are impressed by our readers' erudition. John Delaney spots that the Polish substitute against Scotland in last week's football international was called Mila and that he did indeed have the number 18 on his shirt. We confess to looking puzzled until it is explained to us Mila 18 was Leon Uris's Second World War novel set, coincidentally, in Warsaw.

Talking of war novels, it reminds us of the librarian who swore to us that a reader came over with Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five and asked if they had the first four in the series as he didn't want to start so far into the story.

No ifs, only butts

SCOTTISH football journalist Glenn Gibbons, who has died, was one of the best sports writers, and he often took umbrage at the slack writing of his colleagues. We liked his memorable comment about the phrase "He was red-carded for head-butting his opponent". Said Glenn: "Despite a forensic search, no trace can be found of an incidence of, for example, chin-butting, shin-butting, knee-butting or bottom-butting. Butting is the action of putting the head on someone (also known as the Glasgow kiss)."