What a dope

Diary Editor

Thursday 30 August 2012

THE ECONOMIST magazine has published an article detailing the shorter lifespan of folk living in Glasgow compared to other cities, and wonders about contributing factors.

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Ken Smith

We gather one reader of the esteemed magazine is not a fan of the city, as he commented on the magazine's website: "The Commonwealth Games in Glasgow will be the first major sporting event where the crowd is on more drugs than the athletes."

Penny pincherNICKNAMES continued. Craig Crawford in Howwood says: "A taxi driver once assured me there was a certain taxi driver who worked at Glasgow Airport who would have his taxi meter switched on before a client got in, so increasing the fare – he was nicknamed President Mitterand." Burning issueSCOTT Macintosh in Killearn comments: "Your mention of the catch-all technical term 'knackered' reminds me of my son's first day at cook school, where he was advised, 'brown is cooked, black is f*****'."Powerful pointA GLASGOW reader tells us a work colleague impressed him when he had to make a presentation to the rest of the staff about the project on which he had been working. His opening words to the assembled audience was: "The boss told me to start with a joke." He then projected a picture onto the screen of his wage slip.Naked truthTHE Greenock Players are putting on a charity run of Calendar Girls, the smash-hit play about Women's Institute members stripping off, at Greenock Arts Guild next month. They're hoping the audience realise it is a tasteful theatre production. Director Chris Gavin tells us that, when the company staged comedy musical The Full Monty, which has a funny stripping scene only at the very end, women in the audience were nevertheless shouting out "Get them off!" throughout the whole play. But it could be a Greenock thing.Puppy powerDAFT indeed are the tales told in Glasgow pubs. A chap the other night was discussing what name to call the new puppy the family were getting. "Call him Naked," piped up one of his audience. When everyone looked puzzled, the toper added: "Just think of the reaction when you go around telling people that you're just away to walk Naked down the street."Fighting talkTOM Inglis from Crieff was interested to read on the website for Cowdenbeath FC that Central Park was a "duel-purpose" ground. Well that should certainly get a more blood-thirsty crowd to turn up.Spaced out WE mentioned first-man-on-the-moon Neil Armstrong telling duff jokes about the moon so that he could add: "I guess you had to be there." John Duffy wonders if he told the one about the astronauts discovering a pub on the moon, but leaving shortly afterwards – as it had no atmosphere.

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What a dope

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