"SIR Fred Goodwin has lost his knighthood," said the chap on the train home to Whitecraigs last night.
"Does he remember where he last had it?" said a travelling companion.
"But think of the cost of changing his passport and his driving licence, poor man." added a third.
But on Twitter, Miles Evans took a more cynical line. "Fred Goodwin no longer a Sir. You can almost see a flicker of concern as he strokes another five-iron into the crisp blue sky," he stated.
IT seems the two pandas have really taken to Scottish work practices by going off on the sick within days of getting their jobs at Edinburgh Zoo.
A reader tells us his nine-year-old daughter was shocked at the news report stating that the pandas were alcoholics, until he explained that it was in fact colic they suffered from. But it might just be a matter of time.
Voice of reason
THE French comedy/drama film The Artist has been nominated for 10 Oscars, although it may be a bit avant garde for some tastes. A Glasgow reader swears he heard a young chap tell his pal: "You've got to be careful of any pirate copies of The Artist going about. We got one. Bloody awful. We had been palmed off with one that was in black and white with no sound."
A CLARKSTON reader on holiday in New York heard an American in the shop he was browsing in ask her pal: "What are people from Scotland called?"
Before he could step in and tell her, the pal said: "Scotlanders" to which the first lady replied: "Thought so."
OVERHEARD in a Motherwell pub the other day: "When the doorbell rings at home the dog always runs to it, and the wife said to me, 'Why does he always think it's for him?'"
OUR court tales remind retired Herald journalist Ian Sharp of the procurator fiscal telling the sheriff that when cautioned and charged the accused replied: "Get me Beltrami," a reference to the famous criminal lawyer Joe Beltrami.
Says Ian: "The sheriff leaned from the bench and asked: 'Was that an admission of guilt, Mr Fiscal?'"
Figure of fun
DUNCAN Smith in Lanarkshire tells us: "Your story about leg tattoos reminds me of when I was a trainee inspector of Weights and Measures. We had an exam on the technology of weighing equipment and one of the trainees sat the night before the exam and wrote out a fairly lengthy set of equations on his trouser leg.
"Problem was when he put his jeans on the following morning, everything he had written was upside down. He'd laid out the jeans the wrong way round. Not only that, he'd used a dark ink on fairly light jeans such that you could see the writing from a mile off."
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