GOODNESS, we still can't shake off the last of the toilet stories.

David Watson in Cumbernauld was visiting a North Berwick public facility where there was a very prominent notice in large type at the entrance declaring: "No Smoking. No Consumption of Alcohol. No Eating Food. No Washing Feet in Sinks." This proved too much for someone who wrote at the bottom: "Can I still have a pee?"

YOU can't beat a wedding. Angela Simms recounts: "A minister friend was telling us about an elderly lady in his congregation and how she loves attending all the church's weddings. She sits at the back, just watching, but she was so pleased to be recently invited to a wedding and the reception.

"She said to him, 'I've watched so many weddings in our church, but that is the first time I've been invited to the conception'."

NOTICED these annoying advertisements that appear on your computer? Says a reader: "Just seen a pop-up ad on my computer, 'Do you want to meet lonely single people in your area NOW?' It was a recruitment ad for the Lib Dems."

TALKING of politics, what's been happening amongst our Scottish MPs in Westminster? Political blogger Paul Staines wrote yesterday: "The vote for the 'Charter for Budget Responsibility' saw Labour troop through the division lobbies with the Tories to vote for fiscal restraint. Tory deputy chief whip Greg Hands was greatly enjoying standing at the 'aye' lobby loudly telling Labour MPs 'this way for the cuts'. Apparently the SNP teller opposite was ecstatic as various Labour MPs did little to hide their anger as they stomped through. 'The vast Jimmy Hood looked tempted to deck him', said one witness."

Jimmy is of course the imposing Lanarkshire Labour MP who once suffered a heart attack so we hope he doesn't stoop to fisticuffs.

SO what's been happening in your office of late? A Glasgow reader tells us: "One of my young colleagues asked me if it was healthy to get nosebleeds. Apparently she thought that it was probably a good thing because it relieved pressure on the brain. This would not concern me quite as much were she not the health and safety rep. for the office."

TALES of proving identification in the good old days have been heartwarming. As Arthur Greenan in East Linton recalled: "In the seventies in Portree, I asked the RBS assistant manager if I could have £20 cash. He phoned my bank to confirm my identity, and returned half-an-hour later, saying, 'Your assistant manager and I were good friends on RBS residential courses. We had a wee bit catching up to do there. He has promised to take you out for a pint on Friday night when you get home providing you pay'."

GOOD to see Scots actor Gregor Fisher of Rab C Nesbitt fame returning to the stage in the National Theatre of Scotland's comedy Yer Granny. It reminds us of when Scottish Television sent a reporter and camera crew to a Govan pub after being told that a group of Rangers fans were protesting about the latest calamity at the club. The female reporter was stopped by a police officer at the scene who asked what she was doing. "Filming the protest," she told him. "This is no protest," he replied. "This is a film set for the new episode of Rab C Nesbitt." Sure enough, she turned to see Gregor Fisher, decked out in his iconic string vest and head bandage, filming in the street.

JAMES Martin tells us: "Just seen some statistics on the most common way that people walk when drunk. It's staggering."