SOME weather yesterday. Said Keir McAllister: "Overheard in an Edinburgh shop today, 'It's bucketing down so much I thought the festival was about to start'."

IT'S the first week of the exams in Scottish schools. A Glasgow school pupil tells us: "When there are five questions on the exam paper, I like to go out after the exan and say to my friends, 'So what did you put for question six?"

And a reader tells us he asked his son how the History exam had been and he replied: "There was a question on the Second World War that was so hard even Churchill would have struggled with it."

A GARAGE attendant in Edinburgh tells us that a customer came in and said he had been using pump six. The attendant checked his computer screen and told him: "Twenty pounds and a penny." The customer, who was holding a £20 note declared: "And a penny? You win this time pump, but I shall have my revenge!" As he paid up and headed to the door he repeated loudly: "Revenge shall be mine pump six when you least expect it!"

Just a normal day really.

FOLK are still talking about that stushie when Labour's Jim Murphy was heckled in Glasgow. BBC journalist James Cook had explained on social media that he had not taken any pictures himself of the melee "as I was watching cameraman Charlie's back." A horrified lady replied: "The BBC's James Cook having to watch his colleague's back. Is that the Scotland we all want? Madness!"

To calm her down, James felt the need to explain: "To be fair. That's pretty standard in a moving crowd. Cameraman has to walk backwards so I make sure he doesn't trip up."

THE view on the election from down south. Says Ian Power: "While listening to Nicola Sturgeon on the Jeremy Vine Show I realised what I dislike about her. Her not being in the Labour Party, that's what."

WE end our canvassing stories with Russell Vallance in Helensburgh explaining the origin of a story we have heard numerous variations of. Says Russell: "Visited Dr Johnson's house in London where I discovered the ultimate canvassing story. A great friend of Johnson's was the fiery 18th century radical MP John Wilkes. When canvassing, an elector said to Wilkes, 'I would rather vote for the Devil than for you!' Wilkes' retort, 'Naturally, Sir. But if your friend decides not to stand, can I count on your vote?'"

Yes, pretty old, even for a Diary story.

CONGRATULATIONS to the old family-owned Glasgow store Watt Brothers on its plans to open new branches. We recall an IT manager telling us he installed a new electronic till system in the store and a member of staff phoned to say she had a screen message stating "Press any key to continue". She asked if he could send her a new keyboard as hers did not have an "any key" on it. Easy mistake to make.

ACTUALLY they can be annoying things these computer error messages. A reader heard the woman sitting beside him in his office suddenly shout at her computer: "What do you mean 'Printer can't be found'. It's right beside you!"