THE esteemed New York Times has turned its attention on the bams' dram Buckfast by writing about the tonic wine's association with mindless violence in Scotland.

We think Scotland is being a tad slighted here, as it writes: "The distributors of Buckfast say there is no medical evidence to link their product to such crimes. But the criticism has cast a cloud over this tranquil rural corner of western England, where Buckfast Abbey is an important part of the local economy, and the notion of being lectured about alcohol abuse by Scotland seems jarring, if not downright offensive."

DUNDEE Football club has signed 24-yr-old Spanish centre-back Julen Etxabeguren Leanizbarrutia. The BBC sports writer Kenny Crawford explained: "Dundee manager Paul Hartley is a huge Scrabble fan."

MUCH sadness over the death of Scottish politician Charles Kennedy. Charles himself knew he had huge problems fighting his own drinking demons. When he was Rector at Glasgow University he gave a welcoming speech at Freshers' Week in which he cautioned them about overindulgence in alcohol. He stopped, smiled, and said that advice from him on drink was akin to King Herod offering suggestions on how to run a maternity ward.

In happier times, he recalled that when he first stood for parliament he was at his first meet-the-candidates gathering on Skye when a voter looked at him and declared: "But you're not Calum Kennedy!" The voter had indeed believed that very colourful Mod gold-medal-winner turned entertainer Calum was the LibDem candidate.

THE Herald reported that it was the 80th anniversary of the compulsory driving test. We remember an examiner at the driving test centre at Baillieston telling us he took an applicant out to the car park and asked him: "Which car is it?" "Whit? I thought you provided the car," said the chap.

And another said he sat beside an extremely nervous young woman who correctly got in, put the car in gear, looked over her shoulder, signalled, pressed the accelerator, and was startled when the car didn't move. "You have to turn the key first," he gently reminded her.

Any other tales?

DON'T get me started on the weather. It's best summed up by the Bite Me Sandwich Bar in Ibrox which is advertising: "Celebrate the start of June with our summer specials! We've got minestrone soup, hot chocolate and baked potatoes."

SO Sepp Blatter is resigning as president of Fifa. A cynical football fan tells us: "Just wait until it emerges that he had five million quid on himself resigning within a week of being re-elected."

COUPLES have been leaving thousands of padlocks on the Pont des Arts bridge as an expression of their love, but now they are being removed as they are damaging the bridge. A reader swears to us he told his wife that they were taking the padlocks off the bridge and she replied: "So are they not worried someone will steal it?"

TALKING of relationships, Ian Lyell from Mauchline hears a young woman on the street in Ayr telling her pal: "See this text. He says ah hivna tae gie him an ultimatum. Ah didna ken ah had an ultimatum tae gie him."