THEY are trying to make us play the Name Game again.

Transport Scotland is asking the general public to vote for what the new bridge over the Forth should be called. This follows a consultation process by which a short leet of five names was chosen from 7000 submitted by the public.

Now you can vote between: Caledonia Bridge, Firth of Forth Crossing, Queensferry Crossing, Saltire Crossing, or the St Margaret's Crossing. So far, so exciting.

I would call it the Double Crossing, because the people of Scotland were not asked it they wanted to pay for a new bridge. The cost (before inflation and getting the estimate wrong) is £1.6billion. Which seems a lot money to have even more cars going from Fife to Edinburgh and vice-versa.

Could we not just have had the old bridge tarted up? Or launch a campaign to deter people from crossing the Forth? With big road signs asking: "Is your journey to Kirkcaldy really necessary?" or "Please turn back. Edinburgh is full."

They could extend the Edinburgh tram system all the way to the old bridge as a public transport alternative.

But work has already started on the £1.6billion project so we might as well choose a name. The Caledonia and Saltire suggestions are frankly stupid and need no further consideration. The St Margaret Crossing would inevitably be boycotted by certain football supporters' buses.

There is no write-in option on the Transport Scotland website poll. So I cannot vote for Another Bridge over the River: Why? Or the None of the Above Crossing. Or the You'll Have Had Your Bridge.

The obvious name which needed no consultation and no public vote is the New Forth Road Bridge.

Another eminently bin-able project is the search to find a new slogan to sell Glasgow. The city marketing bureau wants to replace the existing Glasgow: Style over Substance (although I may have got that wrong) in time for next year's Commonwealth Games.

The much-revered Glasgow's Miles Better could usefully be dusted down and recycled (no velodrome pun intended) for the 2014 sports extravaganza.

I recall another slogan which talked about putting the "go" into Glasgow. Let's leave the dear green place miles better.

But how about putting the "no" into Stornoway, the "lash" into Galashiels, and the definite article into Motherwell?

tom shields on ... A bridge too far