• Text size      
  • Send this article to a friend
  • Print this article

a dog called Plod

Moments of bureaucratic madness are to be expected as Scotland's eight constabularies merge into one.

But redundancies among police dogs?

It is not yet clear how many of our 135 four-legged officers will be taken aside by the humane resources department, given a Bonio and a pat on the head, and told they are surplus to requirements. After years of dedicated service, German shepherds who bravely faced violent criminals and springer spaniels who sniffed diligently for clues find themselves on the scrapheap.

The only good thing about this canine cull is that they will go to good homes and some families will have very special pets. A dog who is not only obedient but stands to attention whilst waiting for instructions.

Imagine how safe you would feel on a late-night walk in darkened streets, even if set upon by footpads and felons. Secure in the knowledge that your rottweiler Fang, holder of various Queen's police medals for facing down armed attackers, will reduce the perpetrators to quivering wrecks. And leave a few teeth marks for good measure.

What woman would not appreciate a skilled sniffer dog who could instantly retrieve a purse from even the most voluminous and chaotic handbag thus mitigating embarrassing delays at the supermarket check-out. Personally, I would appreciate being able to say: "Search, K9. Specs, hearing aid, bus pass. Good boy."

Lassie will not have a look-in as the ex-polis pooch rounds up the weans and brings them home for tea. Father will say he is taking Plod the dog on a patrol of local pubs to see if the premises are fully compliant with the Licensing (Scotland) Act.

Or you might just want to have a night in with the dog watching Taggart or A Touch of Frost. You may have to get used to judicial barking revealing who dunnit at an early stage of the programme.

There are CSI dogs, you know. Smithy, a Labrador at West Midland police, is trained to find blood and human remains. Smithy follows the evidence and you can follow on Twitter @WMPcsidogsmithy.

The other benefit of taking in a canine cop is that it will be financially self-sufficient when it comes to the odd tin of Pedigree chum. You're not telling me these fine public servants are being forcibly retired without a proper police pension.

Contextual targeting label: 
Pets

Commenting & Moderation

We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis.
If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well and trust you then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules

Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.

133255