SCIENTISTS have invented a magnetic soap with amazing properties.

A detergent being developed at Bristol University is charged with iron atoms which supercharge the cleaning process.

To understand the science, first we must be familiar with how soap works. I will let the BBC science correspondent explain. (It is good to get a return on the £145 licence fee).

It goes like this: "Soap is made of long molecules with ends that behave differently: One end of the molecule is attracted to water and the other is repelled by it. The detergent action of soap comes from its ability to attach to oily, grimy surfaces, with the 'water-hating' end breaking up molecules at that surface. The soap molecules then gather up into droplets in which all the 'water-loving' ends face outward."

There is some other stuff where the boffins in Bristol had to get their French cousins in Grenoble to train iron atoms to work together as nanoparticles. Nice to see the English and French getting on for a change.

The point is that when you wheech a magnet over the iron-enhanced soapy liquid the washing process is enhanced.

The researchers see great scope in using this detergent for cleaning up oil spills.

It will also make citizens of Edinburgh feel more comfortable in the company of soap-dodging Weegies. A quick rub down with a magnet and your average Glaswegian might be passed fit for attendance at the Edinburgh Festival. There may be checkpoints at Waverley and Haymarket to assess the unwashed and unmagnetised.

The new ablution process may find favour with small mockit, water-resistant weans from all airts and pairts. A bit of messing about with a magnet would be preferable to being subjected to carbolic and a scrub with a shammy (or chamois as we say in the West End). Sometimes, I recall, it was wire wool not a shammy that was needed after a summer's day out playing.

I look forward to the TV adverts for iron soap. But I may stick to a good scour with a lump of coal. Wright's coal tar soap, that is, which kills 99% of all known germs. Or am I thinking of the stuff that cleans a big, big carpet for less than half a crown?

Remember, folk won't have BO. Maybe just iron deficiency.