In these times of uncertainty, thank the Lord for Her Majesty the Queen and her extended family.
We may be unsure whether we will need euros or drachmas for the next Greek holiday. We do not know if David Cameron and his pals will dismantle the entire benefits system during this Westminster parliament.
There is one fewer thing to worry about now the Queen has updated an edict entitled the Order Of Precedence Of The Royal Family To Be Observed At Court. It wouldn't have been the Queen who did the updating, of course. Probably the Lord Chamberlain, or Keeper of the Chamber Pot, or Master of the Privy.
The important news from the revised order of precedence is that the Duchess of Cambridge will be required to curtsey to the princesses Beatrice and Eugenie. Yes, the fragrant future Queen Catherine will have to bow and scrape before those two good-time daughters of toe-sucking Fergie and helicopter Andy. Beatrice and Eugenie are "blood princesses" whereas Kate Middleton is merely common.
Kate will be curtseyed at by Sophie, the Duchess of Wessex. Sophie was once high up in the female royal rankings but has suffered two demotions.
I am sure you will agree the royal order of precedence should be based not on blood lines but on performance. Something like a Princess Popularity Index. The PPI would measure the public's positive and negative attitudes to each royal and give them a rating. Just like Moodys and Standard & Poor's judge banks and nations' economies. Kate would be top of the list with an A triple plus.
On the subject of financial rating agencies, is it not time we rated the raters? Standard & Poor's relegated to Standard & Really Must Do Better. Moodys reclassified as Unbearably Tetchy.
But I digress from the important topic of royal precedence. It is time that bowing and curtseying are regulated in the rest of society.
Doff your caps, please, to David Cameron. Not just because he is Prime Minister. But because his great-great-great grandmother Elizabeth Fitzclarence was an illegitimate daughter of King William IV back in eighteen-canteen. A curtsey to my good self is also in order since I once danced with a girl who danced with a man who danced with a girl who danced with the Prince of Wales.
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