DAVID Cameron's approval rating is at its lowest ever level.
Only one in four of the public is satisfied with his performance. Here are some strategies the Prime Minister might pursue to make himself more popular.
Resign himself to the fact that approval ratings can go down as well as up. He should hide out of the way for a bit and hope that Ed Milliband makes an erse of things and takes the heat off the Conservatives.
Take a few weeks unscheduled holiday. Fly with Ryanair and don't book priority boarding to show we are all in the rush to get a seat together. Or the PM might go to Greece to see what a real crisis is like.
Get on his bike.
More photos of Dave the cyclist can help improve the image. Just make sure the Daimler and the police Land-Rover are out of the picture.
Give us peace.
Do a Tony Blair and get an extra job as a peace envoy. He needn't go far. There are bits of Partick in need of intervention. Might also help his profile in the independence referendum campaign.
Have a gap year.
Or five. Go off on his travels and find himself. Maybe clean toilets in Chile like Prince William. Or poke cattle (on a ranch) in Australia like Prince Harry did.
Let Nick Clegg have full control of the Government for three-and-a-half days a week. Then blame the LibDems for anything that goes wrong. That's what coalitions are for.
Get a new job.
Swap with Boris and try his hand at being mayor of London. Cameron will get to dress casual all the time and be expected to behave in an irrational fashion. Boris gets to pretend he's Winston Churchill.
Make new friends.
This could be urgent as some old chums might be going to jail. Dave should work on his social life. Join a club where members wear top hats and trash restaurants. Or a choir where he can sing "We are Tories, English Tories, no-one likes us, we don't care".
Go and take a running jump.
In an Olympian sense. See also Take a Tumble to Himself. To continue the sporting metaphors, Dave was quick out of the blocks but has dropped the baton.
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