It is jolly unsporting of the London 2012 organisers to deny the Scottish Women's Rural Institutes a wee heat from the Olympic flame.
The SWRI was going to have a bit of flower-arranging at its national conference to celebrate the games but have been prevented from doing so by draconian copyright rules.
The Going for Gold competition to design a floral arrangement in a sports shoe will not leave the starting blocks. There will be a similar fate, presumably, for the SWRI contest to fit as many Olympics organisers' brain cells as possible into a matchbox.
The ban on organisations using such words as Olympics, London, and 2012 is so stringent that a website featuring a countdown clock to the opening ceremony has to describe the games as "Summer competitions in the capital of the UK in 2012".
You may see children so inspired by the games in the East End of London that they rush outdoors to re-enact great sporting moments. Please ensure that the young ones do not use the words Olympiad or Citius Altius Fortius in connection with these unlicensed activities. On no account should anyone say: "I call upon the youth of the world to assemble four years from now at Rio de Janeiro to celebrate with us there the Games of the XXXI Olympiad". The Brazilians may sue.
Another whinge. The restrictions on taking food into the London Olympic venues are a tad unpalatable. This is to protect the interests of McDonald's, wich has paid around £60m to be the official sponsor for retail food and will have to sell a huge numbers of Big Macs to get its money's worth.
Security guards will be under orders to confiscate food deemed to be excessive. Look out for arrests as a family tries to smuggle a healthy meal of chicken breast and salad into the McOlympics.
I don't want to break any of the London 2012 Olympics rules. So I'm looking for a T-shirt that says: "Summer competition of various athletic events which originated in ancient Greece and are being held this year in the capital of England, apart from a few football matches in Glasgow". And will I be able to get a Killie pie instead of a Big Mac if I go to see Spain playing Japan at Hampden?
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