Today, readers, we are going to do something a bit different.
We are going to support Nick Clegg. Get behind his idea for an emergency tax on the rich. The cash raised will help avoid a breakdown in social cohesion threatened by this chronic recession.
Mr Clegg is looking to the wealthiest in the land, his friends the Tories, to stump up most of the money needed. But everybody, even the poor, can contribute.
The first thing we all must do is gather together the empty Barr's lemonade, kola and limeade bottles lying about the house. Mr Clegg is now appointed Comptroller of the Ginger Bottles (as well as Deputy Prime Minister and Lord President of the Council) and will be in charge of door-to-door collections.
Another emergency measure is that, for the rest of this financial year, citizens will be asked to pay their income tax twice.
Really wealthy people will have PAYE explained to them and be invited to pay their tax once.
The very poor can help by having an especially frugal day once a week. Resulting unused sums of money from their benefits will be sent back to the Department of World and Pensions. Here is how it might go:
Don't switch on any gas or electricity. Sit around an open fire in the dark telling stories instead of watching TV. Toast slices of bread at the fire and spread them with cheap industrial margarine made out of chemicals. None of that expensive stuff you can't believe isn't butter. Seriously, it's amazing how a family can bond when they are so poor they don't have a penny for the electric meter.
Revive some old Scottish footwear traditions. Money not spent on expensive trainers for weans can be diverted into Mr Clegg's save-the-nation fund. Shoes last so much longer if they are worn only on Sundays.
Post Office staff will say to old people: "You collected your pension earlier. Don't you remember?" The savings could be substantial.
Mr Clegg may introduce completely new taxes. A £1 levy on every tweet on Twitter. At least 10p on mobile calls or texts that do not involve getting a taxi or finding out what's for your tea.
Not exactly politically correct but topical is the idea to impose a 100% surcharge on subscriptions for women who join golf clubs.
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