Watching golf on the telly is a good lie-down on the sofa ruined, as Mark Twain once said.
Most of the play appears ruthlessly efficient and mechanical to the eyes of us yins untutored in the art of fading an iron shot or measuring the borrow on a putt.
There are some good bits like when Bernhard Langer gets his ball stuck up a tree. Or when a Frenchman loses his £1 million prize money in a burn at Carnoustie.
My viewing of the gowf is mostly restricted to the tension of the final back nine of the Open. But I will follow the Ryder Cup with interest.
This enthusiasm could be due to my new Pringle underpants. Yes, the knitwear company famous for its diamond-design golf jerseys does boxer shorts.
The closest I normally get to Pringle is a tube of those moreish sour cream and onion crisps. But I got two pairs of Pringle pants for a tenner out of Watt Brothers store in Glasgow. (Whaur's yer TK Maxx noo?) The kecks are svelte and snug Lycra with a lion rampant motif. It's nice to have something rampant in your trousers.
Sorry, I seem to have strayed off the golf course. The Ryder Cup appeals because it is team golf, Europe against the USA. The Americans are playing for the Stars and Stripes, the military, Mom, apple pie and freedom. The Europeans just want to win at golf.
We will all be rooting for Team Europe, apart from members of UKIP. Frankly, I would prefer the chance to support Team Europe at football. Think the likes of Xavi, Cristiano Ronaldo and Allan MacGregor taking on Messi's South America at Hampden.
The Ryder Cup will do because it has a bit of edge. The Americans invading the pitch (technically it's called the green) in 1999. Seve Ballesteros using gamesmanship in 1991, with some judicious throat-clearing as his US opponents started their swing.
I like the foursomes game where players take turns at hitting the ball. The German comes in handy for bunker shots.
To perk up interest, the organisers might try twenty-foursomes. That would be 12-a-side in an extreme sport competition, a cross between golf, shinty and American football. Defense, offense and a fair amount of contact, but no tackles from behind. Could be big on Sky TV.
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