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Thursday 7 April 2011

I don't go to rock concerts much.

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Tom Shields on …

Mostly because they are too expensive.

For the same outlay as going to listen to some moderate muso, I could buy a Ryanair flight to somewhere warm and have money left over to buy dinner. I also loathe the concept of having to pay a booking fee to buy a ticket.

When I used to blag free tickets in the old days, my favourite bit was when some rock personage would carry out the formal part of the evening.Lost in a haze of drugs and alcohol, he would say: “Thank you …” and look down to the stage floor where a roadie had written in big letters “… Glasgow”.Katy Perry, a young lady singer, took this process much further this week when she had an extensive list of reminders at her SECC concert.Key words included neds, thugs, weegies and Frank McAvennie.Sadly, we have no detailed report on Ms Perry’s repartee and do not know if she mentioned Mr McAvennie, the footballing Lothario, in connection with burdz.Celtic, Rangers, and Partick Thistle were understandably on the list.But so were Motherwell FC. I imagine the chanteuse said something along the lines of: “It’s a little-known fact that the Steelmen once defeated the mighty Flamengo from Brazil 9-2. Mind you, that was when Ian St John was at centre forward.”Ms Perry’s crib sheet also had the information: “Enemies are Edinburgh and England”. There was a reference to the annoying fact that Scottish pound notes are regularly not accepted down south. She may have added that she was happy to take any amount of Scottish sterling in return for her songs.She is to be congratulated for doing her homework. When Ms Perry plays Aberdeen in October she will no doubt be fully briefed on Furryboots City. There will be reference to rowies, Annie Lennox, the Northern Lights and the terrible price of fish. She will say to the audience: “Fit like quines and loons?”She has no concerts scheduled for Edinburgh and will remain blessedly ignorant of Auld Reekie, salt’n’sauce and ghost trams.

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