Last time I looked at the London Olympics countdown clock it was 89 days, 11 hours and 13 minutes until the opening ceremony.
That will have changed, of course, by the time you are reading this.
Just set your watch to 9pm on July 27 and you will catch the big show. There will be an East London theme with 10,000 Cockney pearly queens.
You may avoid the excessive build-up to the Games and wait for the actual sport. But you will miss important events. Such as the 50-seater cycle which will transport a 35-foot statue of Lady Godiva from Coventry to London.
Couturier Zandra Rhodes has designed for this Lady Godiva a flared skirt and a corset with mirrored flowers.
This outfit not only makes a nonsense of the tradition of Lady Godiva going naked but will present problems for tabloid photographers seeking snatch pix.
Meanwhile, down at a block of flats in East London, residents have been assured that the surface-to-air missile launchers located on their rooftop present no danger whatsoever (except to passing aircraft). Their homes will be safer for having rockets on the roof and a military presence in the backyard.
Firing missiles at passing planes is an exciting new Olympic sport and might be included in a thoroughly modern pentathlon.
Team GB may be celebrating an early medal if their aim is true in the first event, the women's 10-metre air rifle. It may just be shooting a slug gun but every gong counts.
As usual, we will become absorbed in sports ignored from one Olympics to the next. We will pontificate on the vagaries of the clean and jerk in the weightlifting.
We will explain the complexity of the repechage in the rowing. And the importance of a secure landing after a wee lassie has tumbled her wilkies in the gymnastics. And wonder why Inuits never seem to win gold in the kayak event.
l Some traffic news just in: Shettleston Road in the east end of Glasgow will be closed all week for the World Jorries Championship, a foretaste of the 2014 Commonwealth Games. Which, as you know are only 799 days, 10 hours and 40 minutes away.
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