PIPPA Middleton has been named as one of Time magazine's 100 most influential people in the world.
Time says she and sister Kate are avatars of inspiration, latter-day Mona Lisas who smile mysteriously and keep their mouths closed. With the merest wiggle at that wedding, Pippa established herself as a semi-royal ass-et.
I am getting awfy worried about Pippa Pertbottom. She must be more careful about the company she keeps. She has been photographed consorting with gun-waving French playboys, and in the news for hauling her derriere along to a "debauched" (according to the gossip columns) Marie Antoinette-themed party in Paris.
The bottom line is that the future Queen Catherine's sister must remember she has become an offshoot of the Windsor brand name. The royal business managers should perhaps bring Pippa in-house. Her Royal Bahookiness would be a more attractive proposition and much more marketable than the undistinguished minor Windsors currently on the palace payroll.
Give her the official title princess-in-law. Perhaps marry her off to one of Her Majesty's many royal European relatives. Grand Duchess Pippa Saxe-Coburg-Gotha has a ring to it.
Hello magazine would, I'm sure, be willing to sponsor the whole shebang.
However, Pippa may choose to develop her own brand. As one of Time magazine's 100 most influential people, she could take her famous behind transatlantic.
She might marry a footballer and become queen of the Wags. Or take her celebrated can into TV and popular music. She might even make an honest man of Simon Cowell.
We apologise for being unable to fit into this article the words keister, tush, rump, rear and other synonyms for the gluteus maximus. And for suggesting in any way that Pippa is all butt and no brains.
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