Saving Ryanair FC

Columnist

Tuesday 7 August 2012

I am doing my bit to save Scottish football from Armageddon, oblivion, the knacker's yard and other predicted destinations.

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Tom Shields on …

I bought a match ticket instead of watching the game on Sky.

The venue was a big stadium in Glasgow where the home team is not in Division Three. I was amazed to find that Celtic (you already guessed, didn't you?) have an online system where you can select a seat, pay for it and print out the ticket without moving from your computer.

I was not so surprised to see a sneaky extra charge of £1.75 was added at the end. This was described as an "internet charge". So you pay for using your own computer, printer, paper and ink.In fitba's straitened circumstances I don't mind paying a bit extra. In fact, football clubs may have to be more inventive in creating extra fees and charges if they are to survive. They would do well to copy the business model of Ryanair. Here are some boxes that may have to be ticked at Celtic Park:Do you wish priority in the pie and Bovril queue?Use of the toilets remains free but you can pay to be fast-tracked.Do you wish to buy travel insurance for the journey back along the Gallowgate?Is this booking for the first half, the second half, or both? There will be a surcharge for extra time and penalties.There is no facility for taking suitcases into the stadium as the club already has too much baggage. But this situation may change before the end of the transfer window.Oxygen kits may be reserved for seats at the very top of the upper tier. Seat belts should be worn at all times in these areas. Parachutes may be hired by fans who lose the plot and attempt to leave the upper tier to get closer to the referee.Match tickets are point-to-point only. At some games there may be no points at all.A fee for seat allocation is included in the match ticket price. Supporters may pay an extra charge if they wish to nominate who should be on the wing.The club has a pre-paid Mastercard into which supporters can pay in their wages. It can be used to buy shoes and food for the family as well match tickets.

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