There'S no great rush this side of the Border to arrange street parties for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee.
Down south there have been 6500 applications to hold al fresco celebrations.
In Scotland it was fewer than 50, almost the same as the city of Winchester which is hosting 47. The Scottish total doubled when the Borders Council put up a £40,000 kitty for parties. Only seven are planned in Glasgow and none at all in Dundee. Whole other swathes of Scotia are Jubilee-free.
But it will not be impossible to show loyalty to royalty on the weekend of June 2-4. Your street may have no Union flags but pop down to Bridgeton or maybe Larkhall and you will likely find the paving stones have been painted red, white and blue. And there is bunting everywhere.
There will be parades though these may be sponsored walks to raise funds for Rangers FC. Please give generously.
There is time to organise a Jubilee street party with a difference. Make it clear you are marking the 60-year reign of Queen Elizabeth the First of Scots. You will have to learn the words of Thurso Berwick's song about "How can ye hae the second Liz when the first yin's never been?"
Or celebrate the 389th anniversary of the Union of the Crowns when King James VI of Scotland did his reverse takeover of England. Have a Jacobite party. Sing that great 1950s song by The Platters, Oh Yes I'm the Great Pretender. Go for a theme party, Jacobites versus Redcoats. Or, if you live in England, Cavaliers versus Roundheads.
Some may choose to go all the way and have a republican party in which case they will sing Thurso Berwick's words: "Nae Liz will ever dae. We'll mak' oor land republican in a Scottish breakaway."
That is Scottish republicanism by the way, and not the Irish variety which should be given back to Ireland. No American republicanism either, even though it's a tea party.
Sit on the Jubilee fence by saying your street party has been cancelled due to healthy and safety issues. Then go down and help yourself to the Borderers' purvey.
I'll be celebrating another important historical moment. June 4 is the 35th anniversary of the 2-1 win over England when the Scots went on to lay waste to Wembley.
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