Scotland is to have a summit on getting high.

Nothing to do with Munros and hiking boots. It's about legal highs.

The meeting has been convened by the Convention of Scottish Local Authorities, possibly not the most obvious source for advice on drug-taking. The aim is to "assess the health issues associated with legal highs and identify actions to collectively combat the problem". So, it's about substances the Government has not yet got round to banning. And the dilemma of police and lawmakers that ingenious chemists can make new drugs as fast as the Government can ban them.

Should anyone be tempted to go down the high road, legally or illegally, there is a Government website full of useful information. It's called Frank.

If I wanted to try mephepdrone (something akin to amphetamine and ecstasy) Frank tells me its effect is to cause "euphoria, alertness and feelings of affection towards the people around you". Which sounds like a good night down the pub. It can also provoke feelings of anxiety and paranoia along with vomiting and nausea, which sounds like a bad night down the pub.

Mephedrone is now illegal but may still be available under such names as Bubble, White Magic, M-Cat, or Bounce. Do not confuse that last name with a well-known dog food.

There is no end of interesting drugs on the Frank website. Blue Cheese sounds tempting until you find out it is a synthetic cannabinoid that may cause illness and paranoia, side-effects you don't get with a slice of Roquefort. The point of the Scottish summit on legal highs is not to discuss but to reinforce the Government message that people will not be allowed their drugs of choice, no matter how modern or clever the chemistry involved.

It may be that after the day's business, delegates will gather for a legal high. Alcohol, of course. The elephant at the summit. (There is a beer called Elephant. It's made by Carlsberg and at 7.2% will probably get you higher quicker.)

There is no chance of the modern drugs being accorded alcohol's privileged position. Though there may have to be legislation on a warning on drinks labels along the lines of: "Alcohol addiction may cause you to lose your home, job, car, marriage, family, friends and liberty, not to mention your liver."