There seems to be controversy over arrangements for next year's celebration of the 700th anniversary of the Battle of Bannockburn.

The main concern appears to be a lack of "clan activity". Due to problems with promotion, Bannockburn 2014 is unlikely to attract the same level of interest in the Scottish diaspora as The Gathering 2009, says Malcolm McGregor, convener of the Standing Council of Scottish Clan Chiefs. Unlike the 2009 event, it will be no more than a battle re-enactment with a small "clan village" attached.

It is, of course, important that expatriates, current patriots and any visitors with cash in their sporrans are encouraged to come over and celebrate the anniversary. But I don't seem to recall Bannockburn being billed in my history class as a clan event.

So let us re-enact the battle for independence. To spice up the occasion, make it a square go between the Yes campaign led by Alex de Salmond and Better Together under Sir Alistair D'Arling.

The anti-independence Better Together will play the part of King Edward's invading army of 16,000 foot soldiers and 2000 horses. Various English knights such as Sir George of Osborne will take the field for the Union.

The Yes army, consisting of infantry, light cavalry and camp followers, will be outnumbered. In the interest of accuracy, they should wear trousers instead of kilts. And no face-painting.

We do not want actual fighting to break out between Yes and No campaigners. Just some symbolic jousting. Star event will be the re-enactment of the pre-battle combat between Henry de Bohun (played by Baron Farage de Ukip) and King Robert the Bruce. The heavily armoured de Bohun on his huge war horse thunders towards Bruce. The Scots king (played by de Salmond), mounted on a light palfrey, without armour and wielding only a battle axe, nimbly sidesteps the attack and cleaves his opponent's head in two.

A second jousting competition, in the style of Joan of Arc, will feature Johann de Lamont against Nicola St Urgeon. The outcome at Bannockburn will be the same as it was back in 1314. The No forces will become bogged down and lacking in agility. They will be out-manoeuvred by de Salmond's schiltrons and sent homewards to think again.