THE DIARY TUESDAY JUNE 23, 2009

THE screams at Hampden Park at the weekend were a decibel or two higher than normal as revived pop group Take That played three sell-out concerts. Good fun was had by all apart from the fan who posted on the group's website: "I just was a little upset at the sad drunk middle-aged women that tried to spoil my night. They were falling about all over the place, banging into everyone and spilling drinks all over us."

Drunk women? Glasgow? Surely not.

Driving to the land of nod
TED from Ayr saw a service bus near Gartcosh and tells us: "Usually when they are out of commission the destination board reads Not In Service'. This one, which I assume had just finished night-shift, read, Aff Tae Bed'."

Everyone's a winner
"DID you see," said the guy in the pub last night, "that plucky English teenager Laura Robson lost her first round match at Wimbledon after taking the first set?"

"Well, we can pencil her in as favourite for the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award then," replied his mate.

Age related
READER Frank Murphy tells us the definition of smugness could clearly be seen on the face of the woman in Glasgow's Velvet Elvis bar in Thornwood who told her pal: "I got asked for ID while buying a bottle of wine tonight.

"What made it better was having my sister there to witness it - my five-years-younger sister who bought gin before me - and no ID was asked for!"

Angus ugh!
DRIVERS seeking directions, continued. Michael Mulford was stopped near Monikie, Angus, by a London lorry driver who asked: "Oi, mate, what's the best road to Breckin?"

Michael assumed he meant Brechin, but the driver had a supplementary question: did Michael know the firm he was delivering to? Then he showed him his paperwork.

Says Michael: "He was, in fact, looking for Brecon in Wales but had only heard, not read, his destination. I often wondered how he explained his slight navigation error, by several hundred miles, to his boss."

Enthusiasm dampened
PROOF that shopping can be dangerous for men comes from Mungo Henning, who was in his local B&Q, and stopped at a "Clearance" display looking for potential bargains.

Above the power drills, sanders and such like was an orange bucket, and assuming it held small clearance items, Mungo reached up and tipped it towards him to see what was in it.

That was then he discovered there had been a leak in the roof, and the bucket was collecting the rain water which was now pouring down Mungo's sleeve.

Wales or bust-up
YES, we're talking football already as Motherwell were in the Europa Cup draw yesterday with the possibility of playing in far-flung places. Before the draw was made, one Motherwell fan, Melvin Bragg, but we don't think that's his real name, posted on the fans' website: "I'm hoping for anywhere but Llanelli, given I don't have a valid passport. It takes away even the remotest possibility of going, but Llanelli would tempt me into a domestic argument regards cost of childminding/going to the game against being sensible and hoping it's on a telly channel somewhere."

An hour later the draw was made - and Motherwell play Llanelli. So somewhere in the town a little bit of domestic friction is taking place.

On their metal
INCIDENTALLY, Motherwell fans looking for an optimistic sign about their European tie note that Llanelli Football Club's nickname is the Tinmen, whereas Motherwell's is the Steelmen. Surely an indication of who is the harder side to beat.